


Beautiful Tomorrow

by raindropyj



Series: Beautiful Tomorrow [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Also child! Bambam, Angst, Child! Yugyeom, Fluff, Illnesses, M/M, There wasn't enough 2jae around here and I got tired of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 09:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8281402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raindropyj/pseuds/raindropyj
Summary: “We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey” -Kenji Miyazawa





	1. Chapter 1

Youngjae liked to pride himself about always being on time – not even once he was late to meetings even when he was delirious from high fevers and flu or was sure that he would cough up a lung. So when his alarm failed to wake him up that day, he knew his record was broken and cursing at the hellish Seoul traffic was doing nothing to ease his mind. 

Now he was standing in the middle of a bright windowed hallway on the fourth floor of the hospital where his meeting was supposed to be located, suit wrinkled and hair messy from running all the way up since the elevator full. Youngjae looked like a wreck and he was positive that the world is out to get him, because besides being late, he was beyond lost and about to break down. 

A sweet singing voice coming from one of the nearby rooms suddenly filled Youngjae’s ears, his mind was practically yelling at him to turn around and find the meeting room before his boss snapped his neck for being late. But then a child’s laughter joined in with the music and Youngjae’s feet stopped listening to his brain as he started walking toward the source of the sounds. 

After a few long strides, he was in the doorway that seemed to be the hospital’s library designated for children. It was decorated in bright colors from floor to ceiling and bookshelves lined the walls, however, what caught Youngjae’s eye wasn’t the décor. 

There was a man sitting on the floor with a child on his lap, singing and tickling the youngster’s sides, causing bright giggles to fill the air. The man seemed to be in his mid-twenties, probably not that much older than himself, the young boy who's too big hat kept falling over his eyes with every move couldn’t be older than six. 

Youngjae ignored his vibrating phone as he leaned against the doorway to hear the last bit of the song, the male’s voice washing over sweet and smooth like honey. When the singing stopped and the two residents of the room finally noticed him, just standing there with a smile plastered on his face and feeling somehow sentimental, Youngjae’s cheeks went a rosy pink and hot from embarrassment. 

“Do you need something?” letting the young boy go, the other male stood up and stepped in front of him. His talking voice was way deeper than it was while singing, but still , it was a pleasant sound.

Youngjae rubbed the back of his neck and gave a shy smile. “I got lost on my way to a meeting and heard someone singing. I’m sorry if I interrupted.”

The other smiled and shook his head, black hair swaying softly, exposing two twin moles above his eye. The man was honestly quite stunning in Youngjae’s mind.

“It’s okay, maybe a bit embarrassing to be caught singing like that, but anyway, where were you headed? I know the hospital pretty well, so maybe I can get you where you’re supposed to go.”

Youngjae accepted the offer blindly, digging into his pockets for the paper that said where he needed to go and handing it over. “I think I’m on the right floor at least, other than that I’m completely lost.”

After looking over the paper, the male called the younger boy who was sitting and watching their encounter with wide eyes, “Come on Gyeomie, we’re going for a walk, okay?” 

The boy shot up to his feet nodding with a wide smile, his eyes disappearing behind chubby cheeks and Youngjae couldn’t help but laugh at his excitement. 

“I’m Jaebum by the way, I feel like you should at least know your tour guide’s name.” Jaebum was walking a step ahead of him with a small duckling of a child holding onto the back of his shirt so he wouldn’t get lost as they were walking down the hallways of the building, the opposite way in which Youngjae was heading earlier. “The one holding onto me is Yugyeom. Say hi, Gyeomie.”

“Hi~” the kid’s greeting was simple but adorable as he looked back at Youngjae to give full smile. A tooth missing from the top row of his mouth made it even cuter.

As Youngjae introduced himself and thanked them for helping out, he was feeling a temptation to run away from the meeting, already late after getting lost, but after stopping to listen to Jaebum’s singing he knew that there was nothing but scolding that he was about to face. 

“No problem, I’m here quite often, so I know my way around well enough. Plus, it’s about time to bring Yugyeom back to his room, which is in the same direction anyway.”

It was these words that made Youngjae finally realize Yugyeom was sick – though lively, he was too thin, the pallor of his skin was another clue and the bracelet loosely hanging loosely on his wrist that indicated his status as a patient was the main giveaway. Upon realizing all this, there was a pang in Youngjae’s heart that made him want to scoop the boy up and coddle him, willing the sickness away. 

_ Was it a minor sickness? Was it terminal? How much pain was he feeling? If he was out of his room doesn’t that mean he was feeling okay? Were Jaebum and Yugyeom related? Or was Jaebum sick as well? If not, then why did he frequent the hospital like had said? _

A small frown made its way to Youngjae’s face amidst all his thoughts, wanting only health and happiness for the two strangers in front of him who were kind enough to help him out. 

“We’re here.” Jaebum announced, Yugyeom now clutching to his hand.

Youngjae glanced at the double doors in front of him and back to Jaebum, giving a smile that probably seemed more of a grimace, as he was becoming more and more afraid of the meeting that awaits him. 

“Thank you for leading me. Ah, Yugyeom, you can have this,” hoping the younger boy was allowed to eat sweets, he handed a small lollipop from out of his pocket. He actually was saving it for the meeting to cure his boredom, but knowing how deep in trouble he was, Youngjae figured it would be better to behave than sit and suck on the candy. 

Smiling at Yugyeom who was ripping open the wrapper with a shy thanks, Youngjae then nodded politely to the other male who gave him a supportive smile in return. Making sure his hair wasn’t sticking up in any weird angles and pressing his suit down with his sweaty palms, hoping the wrinkles weren’t too noticeable, he opened one of the doors heading into the bear trap that was his bosses inevitable anger. 

The next time Jaebum saw Youngjae was a week later. Yugyeom wanted out of his room, saying that Jaebum should take him out if he wanted to continue being his friend. Though usually he wouldn’t bat an eyelash at the threats coming from the five year old, in the end Jaebum agreed that a change of scenery would do some good for the both of them.

Luckily for Jaebum, he wasn’t stuck in the hospital room as much as Yugyeom, the boy having to be cooped up in the room for most of his day. That’s why Jaebum was there, to make sure the younger was always in high spirits and occupied with something – the hospital wasn’t exactly a happy place after all, the smell of sanitizer disgustingly burning his nose for the first two weeks he began to volunteer. 

After asking Mark, Yugyeom’s current nurse in charge, if they could pause the boy’s fluids so they could have a break and walk around without the hassle of an IV pole to pull around, they were free and good to go. 

Straightening Yugyeom’s hat over his gradually thinning hair and getting a toothy smile in return, Jaebum felt a strange weight in his chest.  _ Why did he have to choose volunteering at a hospital of all places?  _ Knowing how many sick people were holed up in this hell made him want to run away, but Yugyeom very quickly made a home in his heart, becoming probably the only reason why Jaebum continued to come twice a week.

Making their way to the playground the hospital had inside the building, Jaebum spotted a man looking like a lost puppy in the lobby. This time Youngjae was wearing a less wrinkled up suit than last week, but he looked as stressed out as he did previously, so Jaebum grabbed Yugyeom’s hand and made his way over to him. 

“Lost again?” Jaebum asked, obviously startling the younger, but also making him slightly chuckle. 

“I’m supposed to go to the same place as the last time, but forgot how to get there…” his  tone trailed off as he realized the severity of the situation. “I guess, I should ask someone, you guys look you’re off somewhere and I don’t want to bother you again.”

“Gyeomie, do you mind if we take a detour?” Jaebum looked down at the boy and secretly winked, hinting him to go along. 

The kid’s response was so enthusiastic probably due to the fact that he was out of his room, rather than Jaebum’s subtle hint. “Nope!”

“You heard him,” Jaebum turned back to Youngjae, who just looked at both of them with thankful eyes, and gestured him to follow. 

“I probably should draw a map.” Youngjae said halfway to their destination, Yugyeom’s hand closed around the back of Jaebum’s shirt again. “Hospitals are so complicated I’m going to get lost every time I come.” 

“If I see you again, I’ll give you one,” Jaebum’s soft laugh echoed in the hallway. “But you sound like you’re going to be here a lot, so maybe you’ll get used to it. Why are you coming here so often, if you don’t mind me being nosy?”

Over the time, he had seen various businessmen coming across the lobby in suits similar to Youngjae’s, but they portrayed nothing as youthful and cheerful as the latter did, and Jaebum was getting curious. Youngjae couldn’t be older than early twenties, looking like he could still be a college student with his chubby cheeks and a mop of brown hair. Jaebum guessed that he wasn’t sick either – Youngjae wasn’t headed toward the treatment areas and coming to the hospital in a suit for a treatment wasn’t really usual anyway. 

Youngjae’s reply was simple, he didn’t think twice about the info he may be spilling, trusting the other two enough to talk about it. “I’m attending the meetings for a donation project.”

“Donation project?”

“For families who can’t afford health care treatment.”

Jaebum’s first thought after hearing that was about Yugyeom and his parents, who could never visit their son due to the fact that they were always working trying to get the money needed for his treatment. Yugyeom cried a lot about missing his parents, asking if they didn’t want him because he was sick, and Jaebum’s heart felt like it was breaking into pieces whenever he saw Yugyeom in such state, cradling him and acting like a big brother to make the kid felt loved and reassure that his parents were busy working to make sure he was healthy. 

If this could benefit not only Yugyeom, but other patients as well, Jaebum prayed that the project would become a success. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a dull beginning chapter and it's not as long as I'd like it to be but the next chapters will be a bit longer. With this fic focusing a bit around Yugyeom's illness I'd like to point out that there may be inaccuracies so I apologize for that in advance. But I'm having fun writing this! I have a few chapters written already and I'll try my best to update weekly so I hope you enjoy it and enjoy 2jae (which there has been a severe lack of, what is this a 2jae drought?). And I'd like to thank my friend for helping me through this fic, she knows who she is.


	2. Chapter 2

As the time went by, it wasn’t really a surprise that Youngjae felt like he was becoming friends with Jaebum. Somehow his and Jaebum’s schedules coincided perfectly and even when the latter was out for other plans, Youngjae would often go visit the child by himself to keep him company. Little Yugyeom was also becoming a good companion, always greeting him whenever he was at the hospital. 

It also didn’t take Youngjae long to figure out that the small boy had cancer, leukemia, to be exact. It wasn’t  _ completely _ obvious as Yugyeom had hair peeking from under the hats he always wore and he was a tireless child, who was always ready to run around outside and eat snacks much to his nurses’ fruitless efforts to calm him down. It wasn’t until his nurse came to Youngjae with the info that the latter started to notice the signs. 

In fact, Yugyeom wasn’t tireless at all. Youngjae realized that Jaebum always made sure the boy’s hands were in his or on the back of his shirt either for stability reasons or just because it made Jaebum feel calmer. Yugyeom ran out of breath quite quickly, though he would smile like it was nothing. He would wear sweaters even if Youngjae had to take off his suit jacket and roll up the sleeves of his button down. Yugyeom also bruised easily, colorful marks from bumping into doors showing up on his skin so easily that Youngjae was afraid to touch him. 

After a while, he started suspecting he’s only been able to see Yugyeom when he was at his best and on one end he was thankful to see the child’s toothy smiles, but at the same time he also wanted to be an endless support to him in the worst of his days.

Obviously noting how often Youngjae visits, the kid’s nurse cornered him one day while Jaebum was keeping the boy company as he received chemo in his room, saying, “ _ This isn’t a scene for you to see quite yet.”  _

“I understand that you want to visit him often, but due to you not being a family member, I want you to be extra cautious around him. As a volunteer, Jaebum knows this as well,” Mark started, sitting across from him on the sofa that was outside of Yugyeom’s room. 

The children’s cancer ward was decorated colorfully – the floors were green linoleum, the sofa they were sitting on was atrociously orange and the lights above them were shaped like clouds. Truly a place to keep a child cheered up, but Mark’s expression was anything but that. Youngjae nodded to let him know he was listening, but he kept silent to let the nurse speak uninterrupted.

“Yugyeom’s condition… He’s weak. Especially his immune system, if you come in with even a cold, he could become ill very quickly.” Mark was wringing his hands in his lap, trying to find the best words possible to not scare the man away, but still remain stern about the subject, meanwhile Youngjae’s eyes were fixed on the ground, hanging onto every word.

“Face masks are very encouraged. Keep an eye on him all the time, because he can become very fatigued and lightheaded, especially after chemo sessions.” There was a long pause before Mark spoke up again, making Youngjae look up to him with a grim expression. “Jaebum once came back carrying Yugyeom on his back after a short walk down the hallway. Apparently, he complained about having a headache and fainted. Luckily, Jaebum was there to catch him and bring him back safely.” 

Youngjae swallowed audibly, thinking about the child in that state, fainting in Jaebum’s arms and the latter running back to the nurses’ station with a sick kid on his back and it made his stomach churn. He looked at his hands, noticing they were shaking, and took a deep breath.

_ What if a similar situation happened when Youngjae was with him? Would he know how to handle it?  _

 

“I’ll do my best to take care of him.” He gave Mark a bright smile, trying to convince both the nurse and himself, “I won’t take him out of his room unless Jaebum is with me too.”

Mark smiled and gave him a nod, patting him on his knee before parting with the explanation that he needed to check on another patient. 

It was after another one of his meetings that Youngjae found himself sitting in a chair next to Yugyeom’s bed, while Jaebum was sitting at the end of the mattress and the boy himself was eating finger jello, coloring in a pokemon coloring book and getting colorful fingerprints all over the pages. 

Both Jaebum and Youngjae had coloring books of their own placed on their laps as well, competing to see who could make the best piece of artwork, the jello monster being their judge. Much to Youngjae’s despair and Jaebum’s delight, Yugyeom kept choosing the worst image.

“ _ Oh _ .” Yugyeom’s voice broke them out of their friendly, or maybe not so much, banter as Youngjae was trying to stick a crayon in the other’s ear, the sound of liquid dripping on paper caught his notice.

Jaebum immediately grabbed some tissues and held it up to the boy’s nose before Youngjae could even register that Yugyeom had a bloody nose. Not knowing what else to do, he moved the coloring books and crayons out of the way, the splotches of blood that covered the childish masterpiece making his heart clench in pain. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Youngjae just watched as Jaebum instructed the younger to tilt his head back and hold the tissue, calling Mark in to deal with the situation.

“It happens a lot more often than you might think.” Jaebum said, sitting next to him in a chair as Mark cleaned up the blood on the five year old’s face and checking his fluids. 

“It’s scary.” Youngjae admitted with a heavy hearted smile upon his face. “It’s the first time I’ve seen something like that happen to him.”

Jaebum leaned on him and comfortingly grabbed his hand, not saying a word as they watched Yugyeom laugh at Mark’s failed attempts to sing for him. Normally, Youngjae thought that he would be uncomfortable in this position with another person, not being the one for skinship, but weirdly, he found comfort in the way their hands were entwined and in Jaebum’s presence in general.

The next time the side effects of Yugyeom’s treatment hit him harder than usual Youngjae was nearly falling asleep in a meeting a couple of hallways away when Jaebum texted him and his stomach sank immediately.

Usually, Jaebum wouldn’t contact him when he knew Youngjae was busy, knowing from the latter’s complaints that his boss was strict, but much to his luck he was able to excuse himself, slipping out of the room with his phone gripped tightly in his hand and knuckles going white.

Youngjae rested against the wall in the hallway outside of the meeting room and swiped at the notification, bringing up the text with an audible gulp, desperately hoping it was nothing serious and he was just overreacting. 

**[11:42 AM] Jaebum:** Yugyeom has a fever, call me when your meeting is over.

Without even thinking, Youngjae immediately pressed the call button next to Jaebum’s name and put the phone to his ear, biting his lip impatiently as he was waiting for the other to answer. After a few moments, he heard the phone click and Jaebum’s voice greeted him.

“Youngja—“

“What’s wrong? Is he okay? He’s not really sick, is he?” Youngjae knew he sounded frantic with the questions spilling out of his mouth without any filter and thought. He felt bad and wondered how the other felt on the other side of the line, so he swallowed his tongue and slid down the wall spreading his legs out, closing his eyes and listening to the sigh that Jaebum let out before he spoke again.

“His fever is quite high. He’s sleeping and Mark is raising his fluids. He also has a cold cloth on his head, but I’m not allowed to enter in case of infection.” Youngjae nodded at his words, eyes down on his lap and fingers playing with the hem of his jacket. “Aren’t you supposed to be in your meeting?”

“I left.”

“Are you going to go back in?”

“Probably not.”

Jaebum’s tone was soft as he asked, “Where are you?”

“Sitting outside of the meeting room.”

There was some rustling on the other side of the line before the other male spoke again, “Stay where you are, I’ll come to you.” 

And the line went dead, leaving Youngjae with the humming voices behind the wall he was leaning against, meeting still in process. He assumed that things would be fine without him – his partner, Jinyoung, was more than capable to keep things in line and shared Youngjae’s view on the project, something the latter was grateful for.

Jaebum found him on the floor with his knees up to his chin and eyes closed. With a quiet sigh, he knelt down before the younger and surveyed his expression, worry lines etched in his forehead. He watched over the last few weeks as Youngjae became close to Yugyeom, treating the boy as a precious younger sibling, keeping a close eye on his health, but at the same time keeping him cheered up. It was clear that the kid thought of him as a brother too, always wanting him around.

Jaebum was insanely grateful for Youngjae’s presence. For him, it made things less stressful and the younger also had an aura that lit up the room with just a smile or a laugh that was purely contagious and helped with Yugyeom’s mood. Not to mention that it was incredibly helpful to have another helping hand whenever the three of them left the room for the youngster to get a change of scenery.

“Youngjae.” He said softly, not wanting to startle him. Jaebum saw the brown eyes opening slowly and let himself smile, brushing Youngjae’s hair out of his sight. “You were sleeping, weren’t you?”

Youngjae lifted his head and dropped his legs, smiling at the older. “Meetings get a bit draining.”

Jaebum chuckled and held out his hand, “Come on, I’ll buy you coffee. But let’s get out of the hospital first.”

A half an hour later they found themselves seated at a small coffee shop a block away that played indie music through old speakers and Youngjae relaxed against the creaky chair, first three buttons of his shirt sloppily undone and a steaming Americano in his hands.

Jaebum ran his hand through his hair for the hundredth time that day and he was sure his dark locks were sticking up in a thousand different ways, but he couldn’t care less. His mind was wandering back and forth from Yugyeom, whose fever had spiked, to Youngjae, wondering how he is dealing with this.

He wanted to protect Youngjae from seeing the horrors of cancer – the man was a ray of light in the dark and Jaebum didn’t want the scenery of Yugyeom’s illness to shade him one bit. And he also knew he couldn’t, he had  _ no right _ to do so. Youngjae was an adult with knowledge of what the sickness could do.

“H-hyung.” Youngjae’s tongue tripped over itself, making his quiet voice stumble, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Jaebum’s forehead creased in confusion, not knowing where the younger was going with his apology.

The words were just a mumble, almost not wanting to be heard, but Jaebum picked up the unmistakable hint of guilt in his voice, “I feel like even since I’ve been around, Yugyeom has been getting worse.”

Jaebum dragged his chair around next to Youngjae’s and sat, leaning their shoulders against each other for nothing more than an already familiar support. To his surprise, Youngjae sneaked his hand over and entwined Jaebum’s fingers with his, warm from holding fresh coffee and he welcomed the comfort, devouring the moment which he was aware that may not happen again.

“This is nothing new,” Jaebum assured, rubbing Youngjae’s thumb with his, removing the tenseness in his digits with slow ministrations. “When you met Yugyeom it was right after he started chemo the second time, so he was feeling rather well overall. He’s just a kid, he still has his good and bad days.”

Jaebum was looking out the window of the café now. It had begun to rain lightly, the sky becoming dim, and as he looked back at Youngjae, the latter’s eyes were bloodshot and holding back puddles. Jaebum squeezed the younger’s hand tightly, saying, “He’ll be okay, he has us after all.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2~ This chapter is a bit longer and as we get further into the story it will slow down a bit. With chapter one being a little boring I hope this becomes a little more interesting now. Enjoy and thanks for reading!  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cuter chapter! Enjoy~

They spent two more hours in the café until their drinks got cold and Youngjae’s eyes had dried, a wide smile replacing the tears that had never fallen because of Jaebum’s failed attempts at stand-up comedy. The mic was open to anyone willing to embarrass themselves to entertain customers during the rainy afternoon. 

Youngjae guessed that the older chose comedy to cheer him up, not wanting a blubbering and gross companion – technically, Jaebum could’ve sang and stole the hearts of everyone in the vicinity. He was almost hoping that the older guy would change his mind from terribly lame jokes to singing - even though he’s only heard him sing once, the man’s voice was purely angelic and Youngjae wanted to hear it again. And again and again and again.

He loved Jaebum’s voice – his singing voice, talking voice, even when he talked quietly to make sure they wouldn’t wake Yugyeom up, it was deep and smooth and somewhat sexy. He also liked Jaebum’s laugh, always unrestrained and wild, the facial expressions during his hysterical fits only making Youngjae laugh harder himself, stomach twisting painfully in the most perfect way. 

It was thoughts like these, as they sat at the bus stop in a steady downpour, both of their clothes damp from running in the streets with no umbrella, hair drenched wet and smiles bright, that he thought he likes the older –  _ romantically _ . It was a foreign and strange feeling, but Youngjae decided that it wasn’t an unwelcome one.

During all this time, Jaebum had become a support to him, not only when it came to Yugyeom, but in all areas without even knowing it himself. Coming to the hospital for meetings had become exhausting as his apartment wasn’t nearby and Youngjae had recently started considering taking other sources of transportation to get to work rather than driving himself, just so he could be lazy that much longer.

Jaebum would often greet him in the early mornings when their schedules would coincide with a warm drink and an even warmer smile and that was what was getting Youngjae through his mandatory hours until he could re energize himself with Yugyeom’s playfulness. They became a blessing to him, easily becoming two of the most important people in his life. There wasn’t a day that passed where he didn’t think about Jaebum or Yugyeom. 

Youngjae leaned his head back and looked at the older guy beside him who was sloshing his shoes in the puddle below his feet, making ripples in the water. Jaebum’s hair was darker than night and normally down on his forehead, but now it was pushed up in waves thanks to the rain and his own hands unconsciously running through it. He also had several piercings, four in total, making his appearance come off as a bit intimidating and it also didn’t help how sharp his features were, a sharp jawline, prominent nose, and catlike eyes that were complemented with twin moles. 

But from the time they had spent together, Youngjae knew how soft his soul actually was.  As beautifully striking as Jaebum was, he was also somehow adorable, chubby cheeks becoming noticeable when he flashed a smile. The contrast was almost humorous and Youngjae knew he’d be playfully scolded if he ever brought it up. 

He snickered at his thoughts, obviously confusing Jaebum, who asked, “What?”

“Nothing.” Youngjae replied, trying to keep up a straight face, feeling Jaebum glare holes into his head as he turned away.

They found themselves at a toy store, blinding lights making a stark contrast to the stormy skies outside and Youngjae’s energy skyrocketed through the roof hearing kids begging parents for this and that as it reminded him of himself when he was younger. Jaebum’s laugh was the brightest, though, crystal clear and childlike as he was playing with a robot kitten on the nearest shelf making Youngjae’s heart flutter a bit.

“Should we bring Yugyeom here once he gets better?” was the elder’s question, a smile vivid in his voice. 

“Definitely.”

Their impromptu trip to a toy store kept them inside longer than they actually expected, looking at everything with envious eyes, and feeling like toddlers again. They had found a large toy horse, built for bodies of someone not older than seven, but Jaebum had convinced Youngjae to sit on it, rocking him on the toy. The motion was making the contraption rickety and unstable, and Youngjae feared it would break, but before he could worry about that, he lost his balance, unceremoniously planting his back on the cold floor. 

Jaebum was almost screeching from laughter as he was holding his stomach, Youngjae himself was laying on the floor in mid-hysteria. He was pretty sure he saw a few employees and mothers swerve their heads to judge a grown man in a suit, laying on the ground with hot tears of laughter streaming down his face and another man laughing at his misfortune. 

It was a freeing time and Youngjae hadn’t felt this kind of pure happiness in such a long time, he almost forgot how it felt like. It took a long time for them to calm down, once they thought they were done, one of them would start giggling again, restarting the domino effect. 

“What are we doing?” he finally asked about an hour later, arms full of toys, looking at Jaebum, who was in a state just as bad. 

“Buying toys.”

_ Buying toys, he says. _

Jaebum’s arms were full of toys selfishly picked out for themselves and Yugyeom. Things, that would stay in the boy’s hospital room to keep them all entertained when they would get bored. Both of the guys had figured that more entertainment could do some good for the five year old without getting him out of bed more than it’s necessary after his recently spiked fever. 

Toys in Youngjae’s arms were for donations. He thought he could put it towards the company’s donation project but since they were still in the middle of negotiations, he didn’t know if it was appropriate. He also kind of wanted to do this himself – paying for the toys, bringing them to the hospital and handing them out. It was something that was on his mind for a while, but he never had the chance to do so until now.

_ Yes, they were definitely buying toys. _

Youngjae started snickering again, accidentally making one toy drop from his arms, and another one fell when he tried to pick it up. From there it turned into an avalanche of falling toys in the line for the cash register and Jaebum was trying his best to keep a straight face for the sake of the pile in his own arms.

When the time to pay came, with everything neatly packed into many, many bags, the total price glowing brightly on the screen before them, Youngjae didn’t bat an eyelash and just swiped his card, signing quickly while ignoring Jaebum’s wide eyes.

After they made it into a taxi, foregoing any busses considering the amount of stuff they were carrying, Jaebum finally spoke again. 

“You didn’t have to pay for all of that. If you don’t mind…” he looked at Youngjae, shifting one of the bags onto his lap more comfortably. His tone wasn’t shy or guilty, it was just a matter of fact and it made the younger admire him even more. “I’d like to pay for some of it.”

Youngjae just nodded, a smile on his face. “Whatever you want, hyung. The line was long because of us, so I just did it.”

He didn’t mind paying for it all as it wasn’t something he spent much thought on and he’d definitely do it again if he could, but Jaebum’s wish mattered more and Youngjae wasn’t stubborn. 

After the quiet idle chatter, he ended up falling asleep during the slow ride back to the hospital, head bobbing with every bump on the road, eventually ending up on Jaebum’s shoulder. A few times the younger’s head was dangerously close to hitting the window, making Jaebum reach out and position him back so Youngjae’s head safely resting on his shoulder, safe and reassuring, though his own heart was beating loudly in his ears. 

They made it back to the children’s cancer ward when the sun was setting a bright orange, rain finally letting up. Youngjae’s hair was a mess and his cheeks were slightly tinted pink with embarrassment of falling asleep on Jaebum, while the elder couldn’t stop staring at him, thinking that it was a nice sight. 

Mark was eating his dinner at the nurses’ station, a slice of pizza halfway shoved in his mouth when they stepped out of the elevator, choking when he saw their arms heavily loaded.

“Wha-“ that was the only thing that managed to get out of his mouth after a series of coughs. 

The pair just looked at each other and smirked, “Presents.”

Yugyeom was better, his temperature was back to normal, but his immune system was still vulnerable, making viruses easy obtainable, so Jaebum and Youngjae had to visit him with masks on with a fluffy teddy in hand. They decided that the rest of the gifts can wait for another time when all of them can be excited about them together.

The kid was sleeping soundly, a patterned face mask covering his nose and mouth, tiny snores making Jaebum’s heart soar in affection. The latter tucked the stuffed animal at the head of the bed, making sure it wouldn’t bother the child in his sleep, and smoothed his hand over Yugyeom’s little  bald head, lightly brushing his fingers over the soft skin.

Youngjae watched the encounter while gnawing his chapped lips, feeling like he wasn’t supposed to be in the room at all. Jaebum and Yugyeom’s relationship was so tender and soft, and even though he knew that this relationship was different from Jaebum’s and his, he couldn’t help but sometimes feel envious of the loving looks the child often received from the older.

Youngjae’s gaze softened as the other carefully kissed Yugyeom’s temple, mumbling something he couldn’t hear, but what most likely were warm words of encouragement. Holding the five year old’s tiny hand in his, Youngjae also wished the kid sweet dreams, before Jaebum ushered them both out of the room.

With Mark’s help they moved the toys into the nurses’ break room, after deciding to distribute it to other children later, Yugyeom’s own gifts left in a corner of his own room, where they knew he wouldn’t dare to look.

“Hyung, I think I’ll come in tomorrow as well, if that’s okay. I didn’t get to see Yugyeom today, and I don’t have classes anyway.” Jaebum brought up, placing the last bag next to the break room sofa, where Mark was playing with a doll that was sticking out of one of the bags. 

“That’s fine. My shift starts at noon, though, so you might see a different nurse, if you come earlier.”

Figuring that visiting Yugyeom was way better than watching dramas all day in his pajamas at home, Youngjae spoke up as well. “Can I join, too?” 

Mark let out a chuckle. “Where’s Jaebum without Youngjae.” He teased, leaving the pair alone in the room, flustered and sputtering for words. 

A few heartbeats later, Youngjae with a shy smile upon his face finally opened his mouth. “Let me give you a ride home. As a thanks for today.”

As they headed towards Jaebum’s home, he learned that the older lived close by. However getting Jaebum’s address was the only form of communication between the two during the ride, the car was silent and borderline awkward. Youngjae started wondering if he should’ve offered at all, but he knew perfectly that he would’ve regretted later if he didn’t. The drive was smooth, radio being the only one offering noise in the tiny space between them with some ballad playing through the speakers. 

Nevertheless, Youngjae was beginning to comprehend where the silence was coming from and it made the mood more understanding and comfortable – it was a long day and his own limbs were aching, feeling the exhaustion in every ounce of him, and he was sure that it was the same with the older guy.

Jaebum had his head leaning against the window, hair sticking to it with static, watching the colorful city lights pass by in a blur. His lips were upturned in a small smile as if he was pleased by the sight and Youngjae smirked before putting his eyes back on the road and turning a corner, palms becoming slightly damp on the steering wheel. 

“Hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Don’t leave marks on my window.”


	4. Chapter 4

“What do you mean we can’t proceed with the project?” Youngjae’s voice was going high with distress through the phone as he was standing outside of Yugyeom’s hospital room.

“Originally this project was going to be done in partnership with another company, you know that,” Jinyoung explained carefully, “But the partnership fell through after a few meetings. This is a big project, a lot of money, and doing it without a partnership or a sponsor will be almost impossible for us.”

It felt like the strength keeping Youngjae standing just washed away as he sat down on a nearby chair, head down in his palm and a deep sigh escaping his lips, “Okay, thanks for telling me. I’ll talk to you later.” He hung up, letting the phone fall into his lap while taking a deep breath and thinking things over.

Even though it wasn’t _his_ project, it was the one that was incredibly important to him, especially after becoming close to Yugyeom, the child making a cozy nest inside his heart and tucking himself away there, making sure he’s never forgotten. This project had the potential to help not only Yugyeom, but other patients as well, and it made Youngjae’s heart sink, knowing that it was no longer possible.

The day had started out so, so good – he had arrived at the hospital before Jaebum, the older being later than him by ten minutes due to the coffee he bought for them as well as Yugyeom a small chocolate shake. Apparently during the night Yugyeom ended up snuggling his new teddy bear close to his chest and drooling all over it. This info made the pair way too eager to break out the toys that were hidden in the child’s room, ready to play with them themselves, twenty somethings quickly turning into children.

The light in Yugyeom’s eyes when he looked at everything they had purchased made Youngjae’s heart swell, the young boy so excited and thankful over every toy that he felt like a parent watching his son opening gifts on Christmas, and he wondered if Jaebum felt like that too. They were making a mess with Legos on the floor, building various things out of the tiny blocks when Youngjae got the call.

And now he was sitting outside of the room with his head in his hands, looking absolutely pathetic.

He heard footsteps come up beside him and looked up to Jaebum, whose forehead was creased with worry and Yugyeom on his back with his lips puffed out in a tiny pout and he immediately felt guilty, a tremor starting in his hands.

“Everything alright?” Jaebum asked, situating the hefty five year old better on his back, the boy letting out a little giggle.

Youngjae gave him an unconvincing smile, hoping it didn’t look terribly forced, but Jaebum saw right through it. Truthfully, he was thinking about telling the elder about the situation, but knowing how excited Jaebum was for the project, Youngjae was dreading his reaction and he also didn’t want Yugyeom to hear their adult talk, so he decided to pretend that things were still fine in the paradise, shifting his attention to the pouting child.

“Do you like piggyback rides, Yugyeomie?” The five year old nodded enthusiastically, tightening his embrace around Jaebum’s neck, causing a comical reaction from the eldest and making all of them laugh. “Me too, I’m jealous you get to be carried around like that!” He gave a mocking pout making the littlest giggle.

Yugyeom began whispering something in Jaebum’s ear and the former got a mischievous look in his eyes that made Youngjae nervous and tug at the hem of his sweater. Before he even knew it, the child was standing on the ground and Jaebum was in front of him, facing away from him, knees bent.

“Get on.” Jaebum urged with his hands out, ready to catch he younger if he jumped on his back.

“Absolutely not.”

“A few seconds ago you said you were jealous, so just hop on.”

Youngjae pouted again feeling like a kid, but he still hopped on Jaebum’s back without any warning, causing them to stumble a bit with their balance off and nearly falling, eventually though they stood strong, Youngjae perched on Jaebum’s back like a toddler.

“See? It’s not so bad.” There was a smirk in his voice and Youngjae flushed hotly.

“I hate you.”

He could feel Jaebum’s laugh, their bodies pressed together making the chuckle ripples through his belly. They ended up walking around just like that, with Yugyeom’s hand on Youngjae’s ankle, following them closely.

He was hyperaware of how close their faces were, cheeks almost pressing together. The other would sometimes shift Youngjae’s position on his back, making them press even closer and the younger was pretty sure that Jaebum was struggling a little bit now, judging from his labored breathing and weakening arms that were secured around his legs.

Feeling flustered and guilty at the same time, Youngjae’s stomach began to flutter with anxiousness over his work situation and the current situation at hand, making his emotions bubble up into his throat and in his eyes. Once he felt the familiar prick of tears, he hid his head in Jaebum’s neck to make sure no one saw how much of a loser he was being.

“Do you want to get down?” the elder asked softly, feeling hot tears against his neck that were making him worry. He knew something was wrong, something Youngjae wasn’t telling him. Technically, the younger wasn’t obligated to tell him anything, but Jaebum still was worried.

“Just a little bit longer, please.” Youngjae’s voice was a bit choked up, but Jaebum could hear him perfectly, walking around a bit more to give the other a chance to calm down. Strangely, once he felt the wetness hit his neck, he didn’t feel tired anymore, all of his attention shifted to the person on his back, no longer feeling a strain in his legs but an ache in his chest.

When he got back on his feet again, Youngjae’s eyes were slightly puffy and bloodshot, but he was smiling nonetheless, making Jaebum feel a bit better about the situation. But still, he ushered Yugyeom off to his room, Mark on his heels to tend to any needs, before he was alone with Youngjae and tugging him into his embrace.

“You can tell me things, you know. If you don’t want to, it’s okay, but I’m here.” Jaebum whispered, petting the younger’s head to comfort him, but only making another round of salty tears spill onto his shirt. Jaebum held him closer, turning his head and kissing Youngjae’s hair in hopes that his comforting would help at least a smidgen.

The latter’s hands were knotted in the material of Jaebum’s shirt, most likely wrinkling it, but neither of them cared. A few deep breaths and sniffles later the hug was broken, Youngjae turning away to hide face to wipe the tears away and mumbling an apology.

“Don’t apologize.” Jaebum wanted to reach back out to him, to tuck him back into his arms and tell Youngjae that things would be alright, but he knew that the other probably needed space to breathe and let things settle.

Youngjae was about to say something, but Mark came up to them, interrupting his thoughts.

“Can you guys keep an eye on Yugyeom while I go get him medicine? He’s not doing so well right now, he said he didn’t feel good all of a sudden, and his temperature is rising.” Mark didn’t spare them a glance, as he went to grab the meds and the pair made a beeline toward the five year old’s room to make sure he was okay, all thoughts about anything other than Yugyeom thrown out the window.

When they entered the room, Yugyeom was wrapped up in his superman blanket up to his neck with an IV quickly dripping fluids into his system, making Youngjae wonder if he had gotten dehydrated. The five year old being with them less than ten minutes ago made him afraid that it was partially their fault that he was feeling ill, one of his biggest nightmares coming true.

“Gyeomie, what’s wrong? Do you feel sick?” Jaebum’s tender voice cut through the silence of the room, making the child’s eyes flutter open and look up.

“Hyung… Cold.” His voice was barely a whisper and there was a little raspiness to it that was worrisome, considering it wasn’t there a little while ago.

“It’ll be alright, Mark will be back to take care of you and we’ll be here too.” Youngjae reassured him while patting his head, feeling the feverish heat through the material of his hat under his palm only making his worry increase tenfold, looking at Jaebum with wide eyes and seeing the elder holding a similar expression didn’t help the feeling in his gut.

Mark came back seconds later with three vials of medicine in his hand, distributing them with ease to try and get Yugyeom’s fever down and, hopefully, get him feeling better soon. “If you guys are here, you should be wearing masks, but I advise you to leave, at least for now. He’ll be sleeping anyway since the medicines will make him drowsy.”

After whispering farewells to Mark and Yugyeom, the pair found themselves where they had met – the children’s library of the hospital. It was a lot different now, decorated with Christmas decorations even though it was still early November and the atmosphere was a lot darker since it was raining again, the weather perfectly fitting their gloomy moods.

Youngjae was sitting on a bean bag facing the large windows and watching the storm pass by while Jaebum had his head in his lap, hair splayed across his thighs, and while in normal circumstances Youngjae’s fingers would be itching to play with it, these weren’t _normal circumstances_.

“He was fine when we were walking with him, wasn’t he? Were we too preoccupied to notice he wasn’t feeling good? Was it my fault, because I was too caught up in my feelings? What if—“

“Youngjae—“

“ _Hyung_ , this is serious! His head was so warm I could feel it through his hat. I’m worried…” Youngjae was so stressed out that Jaebum ended up forcing a book in his hands. It was for children, obvious by the cardboard cover and cute animals on the front. Well they were in the Children's library after all, what else did he expect.

“Just read it, it’ll keep your mind occupied for a bit.” Jaebum said, choosing his own book with princesses on the cover from the shelf behind the younger, making Youngjae stifle a laugh.

By the time he was almost done reading his third book about animals and friendship, a small child that looked about four with black hair and chubby cheeks sat in front of them with wide eyes and a nametag on his chest, that read “Bambam” in neat handwriting that was definitely not his own.

“This is a place for kids you know.” Bambam stated matter-of-factly, staring at them like they don’t belong here, and he was one hundred percent correct, but Youngjae wasn’t about to get up because a child was telling him to.

“We _are_ kids.” Jaebum told him, sounding almost convincing if not the fact that he was in the  body of a twenty four year old.

“Oh.” Bambam said, taking the lie much to Youngjae’s surprise, and the latter blamed the fact that Jaebum’s hair was down, making him look more like a teenager with that stupid bowl cut he sported, but he couldn’t say much about himself either, his own looks quite youthful. “Are you sick too?” Bambam then asked, perking up with the question.

Youngjae realized that most of the kids here probably want to find other kids with similar things in common. It wasn’t fun to be in a hospital, Bambam probably felt lonely quite often, most of his company being nurses and doctors, wanting to feel like he wasn’t alone. Yugyeom had Mark, who was a good nurse, but that wasn’t always enough, so it made Youngjae feel better that Jaebum and himself were around, especially when his parents worked most of the time and he had yet to make any friends within the hospital.

“Just visiting.” Jaebum told him, finally sitting up and leaning against a bookshelf, smiling brightly to the child.

“Oh.” Bambam repeated with a little pout. “I haven’t met many other sick kids like me yet, I just got here, hoping I’d find someone.”

Jaebum looked at Youngjae and gave a little wink, confusing him until a little boy in the cancer ward came into his mind and he smiled. Yugyeom and Bambam would make good friends if they met in his opinion.

“We have a friend in mind we’d like you to meet sometime. He’s not feeling well right now, but when he gets a little better, we’ll bring him to meet you, okay?” Youngjae told the young boy. “I’ll even pinky promise you, here.” He put his pinky towards the boy, who did the same in return, a toothy smile on his pudgy little face making Youngjae laugh, and they sealed the promise with a touch of their thumbs.

“You better not break the promise!”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it.”

“Bambam, where are you!?” Someone called from the hallway outside of the library, making both Jaebum and Youngjae jump and look at the boy, who just smiled and stood up.

“I better go now, bye bye!”

Once the toddler was out of the room, the pair slumped against each other, letting out long sighs feeling exhausted from the encounter, but entertained at the same time.

“He was cute.”

“Ours is cuter.” Jaebum stated simply, not really thinking about what he was saying until the words escaped his lips and turning quickly to look at Youngjae’s fire engine red face and wide eyes. “I didn’t mean—“

“You’re right though.” It was Jaebum’s turn to flush bright pink this time, the other’s words affecting him more than he thought, making him turn away to cough, clearing his throat before talking again, but before he could get anything voiced out, an obnoxious girl group song cut through the atmosphere, startling Youngjae and making Jaebum’s face turn even more pink, if it was even possible, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

“Speaking of our kid.” He said, turning his phone toward the younger to show Mark’s name flashing on the screen.

Sensing Youngjae’s nervousness after seeing the nurse’s name on the screen, Jaebum grabbed his hand without a second thought and swiped the answer button, putting the phone up to his ear. “Yes, hyung, is everything alright?”

“I need your permission for something. I know it’s kind of odd, but Yugyeom’s parents aren’t answering any calls and it’s pretty urgent.” Jaebum squeezed Youngjae’s fingers, gently sending him a small smile, but his strength was dwindling with every word Mark said.

“How urgent?”

“I think he may have an infection. His doctor is coming down right now to confirm, but if it’s true, we’ll need to start a new treatment regimen and I need a permission from a guardian to do so, and if his parents won’t pick up… That’s you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like a week late, I'm so sorry. I was at the hospital for a little while and I'm trying to get used to things again but here it finally is! Hopefully it won't be pushed back again. Sorry for making you wait! Enjoy~


	5. Chapter 5

“I’ll do it.” Jaebum said immediately. He didn’t care anymore – he was ready to do anything for Yugyeom to be okay, and if he needed to sign some papers to start up a new treatment to prevent the infection from spreading because the child’s workaholic parents weren’t there, of course he’d do it. 

“Come back to the ward within an hour, I’ll have the papers ready.” Mark sounded somber, but Jaebum didn’t say anything anymore before the conversation ended, facing Youngjae who had tears spilling out of his eyes again. He didn’t even notice that several tears had fallen on top of their entwined hands until now, the hot tears falling over onto his lap making a tear stain on his jeans.

Seeming like it was the hundredth time, Jaebum gathered the younger into his arms, feeling his own tears prick at the back of his eyes threatening to fall down his cheeks, not knowing whether it was because of the person in his embrace or because of the sick boy they both loved.

“Did you overhear?” He asked and the younger nodded in response. “You heard everything?” Another nod. “It’ll be okay. You believe that, right?”

“Yes, hyung.” Youngjae’s voice was raspy and the pang in the elder’s heart was hard to ignore, all he could do being holding the crying boy closer while ignoring his own tears.

Jaebum liked Youngjae, more than  _ liked _ – his feelings for the other were so demanding sometimes, always wanting attention and constant awareness, but he pushed them away into the corner of his mind, Yugyeom always being his first priority.

But at that moment, when the child was sick in his room and both of them were crying, he couldn’t ignore it anymore, heart fluttering with every breath he felt on his neck. Youngjae smelled like the finest of colognes, peppermint candies and shampoo. His skin was as soft as his personality and Jaebum didn’t know how a businessman could be so cute and kind, but he couldn’t have wished to have fallen for anyone better. He knew that perhaps his heart was ahead of itself, affectionate feelings settling heavy in his heart that day in the coffee shop when Yugyeom’s fever spiked for the first time and seeking comfort from one another.

“In the meantime, we never brought those toys around to other kids, should we go do that after i go sign the papers?” Jaebum suggested a distraction, knowing that waiting around for more news on Yugyeom’s condition wouldn’t do any good for neither of them.

“Can we wait a little longer?” Youngjae asked weakly, pulling back. He looked terribly tired and in a need of a long nap after crying once that day already. Jaebum wiped his puffy eyes with the pads of his thumbs.

“Whatever you want.” He replied with a kiss to the younger's forehead. The sigh Youngjae let out comforted the nervousness that coursed through Jaebum’s veins and he sat back on his heels, the other man’s face still resting in his hands.

There was laughter out in the hallways of nurses passing by and having idle chatter about this and that as they sat like that in the library, the only residents in the calm lighting of the room, the soft rumble of thunder of the distant storm finally passing being the only background noise. Youngjae’s wet lashes flittered against Jaebum’s thumbs with a tiny movement, his eyes still closed.

“Hyung.” Clear brown eyes flickered open and stared at Jaebum, traces of water still shining in them, but only making them more beautiful in the latter’s humble opinion.

“Yes?” Jaebum asked, reluctantly letting Youngjae free and settling his hands in his own lap. The younger was biting his bottom lip until it was puffy and red seeming nervous. His eyes were avoiding the elder, looking at his own hands that were playing with the hem of his pants, but Jaebum didn’t push.

Before he could wonder anymore,  Youngjae was pushing past his personal space bubble and stopping before him for a brief second, looking Jaebum right in the eyes with a look the elder didn’t recognize on him. Jaebum was sure he looked like a deer in headlights, but that didn’t stop the latter from pushing in further and pressing their lips together, his plush lips against Jaebum’s chapped ones, a warmth spreading through their bodies and setting their hearts on fire.

Jaebum was too overwhelmed by the kiss that it ended before he could find it in him to kiss back, lasting a mere half a second before Youngjae pulled back with cheeks tinted pink and eyes casted downwards. Jaebum’s heart was in his throat when he watched the younger pull away, his own skin blotchy and red, feelings blooming even more after realizing that the businessman might have had room in his heart for him, too.

_ That’s what that kiss was for, right? _

Taking his chance, he took the blushing beauty by the hands, tugging him closer. Jaebum pecked him on the forehead like he did earlier, then on the nose, the apples of his rosy cheeks, and finally kissed him briefly on the lips. Choi Youngjae tasted of toothpaste, coffee and salty tears and he wanted to taste him again, and commit the flavor to memory. But Mark had other plans.

“Your phone is ringing.” Youngjae giggled just as Jaebum leaned in again, the nurse’s preset ringtone going off again, the girl group song blaring in the quiet vicinity. Jaebum just sighed looking apologetic and the younger gave him a slight shrug and a smile. At least he was in a good mood now, Jaebum’s heart sped up at that thought of it being because of the kiss.

Listening in on the call, Youngjae assumed it was time to back to the ward and back to reality, and as much as he wanted to stay here and sit next to Jaebum, reeling in his warmth with their lips pressed against each other, ignoring the rest of their troubles, it was time to stand up again. The heat in his chest began to settles into a warm glow, not letting him forget about what had happened a few moments ago.

Everything about Jaebum was warm, his hands, his lips, as well as his personality and presence, he was a source of heat and comfort for him during hard days.  Youngjae was thankful for the hand on his back when he stood on his wobbly legs, still exhausted, however his mood was improving, the elder being the source of all of his strength at that moment.

Jaebum was going to say something, Youngjae could sense the words on the tip of the other’s tongue and the apprehension coming off of him in waves, but before the older could speak Youngjae faced him with a smile, grabbing his hand and twirling their fingers together. “I know. Let’s go sign some papers.”

The warmth in Youngjae’s chest bloomed at the smile he received in return, Jaebum’s eyes turned into beautiful little crescents, making the younger’s entire existence turning into a puddle. What was he going to do? He was falling hard for this stupidly cute idiot.

They look their time to walk back to the warm, in no hurry to get back to the real world. Instead, they walked slowly, step by step with their hands swinging between them, languid smiles on their faces with brief glances toward each other that would make them laugh from time to time. They were in a temporary heaven and both of them wanted it to last as long as possible.

Mark was waiting for them at the nurses’ station with all the necessary papers on top of his desk, neatly placed on a clipboard with a pen, all ready to be signed and upon the sight, both their moods began to spiral. It was scary, signing papers and not knowing what you were getting yourself into. It was a frightening concept and Youngjae felt it himself whenever he had to sign for the company. However when it came to hospital papers, it all seemed even more unnerving and he could feel the slight tremble in Jaebum’s fingers even though the rest of his demeanor was calm.

For a split second Youngjae was boiling with anger, cursing Yugyeom’s parents for never showing up for his son, for not signing those papers themselves and not taking care of their kid like all the parents should. He thought they should be here to check on their five year old just for a moment even if they were dead tired after work, that they should at least make sure he was even alive – for fuck’s sake, the boy had a serious illness and Youngjae couldn’t even imagine himself not checking in on him daily, always calling Mark or one of the other nurses at the end of the day to ask about the boy’s condition if he didn’t see him himself.

He wasn’t sure if Jaebum noticed his hands trembling, but when they shared glances, the elder looked like he was worried. He wasn’t sure whether it was for him or Jaebum himself, but the latter let go of the younger’s hand, giving it a squeeze before looking over the papers, grimacing at the sheer amount of them.

“You only have to sign on the first and second page. You can read it all if you want or I can give you a brief explanation, no hidden secrets.” Mark said, leaning over with his arms crossed on top of the desk.

“Explanation, please.”

The nurse started going into full clarification mode, making sure not to miss even the tiniest details. Jaebum was listening carefully with his eyebrows stitched and nodding every once in awhile, so Youngjae took his chance to leave the room and go to the bathroom to clear his thoughts, hands still balled up in tremoring fists.

When he looked into the restroom mirror, he wasn’t that surprised by his appearance, eyes ugly and bloodshot from crying too much throughout the day. It had been rollercoaster of a day and Youngjae wanted to sleep a thousand lifetimes, hoping that maybe at least in his dreams everything would be okay.

His mind wandered back to Yugyeom’s parents who were never around. Youngjae had never met them, and he realized that actually he had no right to dislike them, trying to come up with at least one reason to tell himself that they were working so hard to pay the hospital bills for their son, but it only made him angrier. The young boy deserved nothing but love, health and his parents.

Jaebum and Youngjae could only distract the five year old so much before Yugyeom once again realized that his parents weren’t around often enough to give him that attention, that affection that only parents can give and that comfort that came with the touch of a mother or father. The five year old liked to blame it on himself for being sick, saying that it was his fault that his parents weren’t around, and it wasn’t a weight that a child should carry - five year olds were supposed to cry about broken toys and be picky about their food being too hot or too cold, not about having leukemia and not growing hair.

But Yugyeom was stronger than both Jaebum and Youngjae put together and the latter couldn’t put into words how much the admired the little boy for staying so strong no matter how much he could crack, no matter how much pain and tears he had to endure.

It took a while for Youngjae to realize that he was crying again, his eyes finally focusing on his reflection in the mirror again to see a couple of tears slowly sliding down his cheeks and his chest rising and falling too quick for comfort. It took another moment for him to register that he was on the verge of hyperventilating and his hands were gripping the edge of the counter so tightly that his knuckles turned an angry white.

He slid to his knees and braced his hands on the dirty floor. The water was running from the person who left it before him and that was the only thing that kept him aware of his surroundings but his mind was fuzzy and his sight his was blurry, his body struggling with breathing normally.

Youngjae was slipping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again.. :( I'll try to update at a more normal pace I promise! Lately I'm having a bit of writers block though, hopefully I'll get some inspiration soon. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chapter~


	6. Chapter 6

“Youngjae. Youngjae!”

That was clearly Jaebum’s voice, he’d recognize it anywhere.  _ Why was he there when he shouldn’t be? Wasn’t he supposed to be signing papers?  _ Youngjae tried to turn around in search for the source of the voice by turning around and looking but his palm slipped on the dirty floor, almost getting his face smacked into it. Before that could happen, he felt arms wrapping around his waist and warm breath on his cheek, looking over to see Jaebum’s blurry figure next to him. 

“Hyung.” He didn’t know how audible his voice was, but Youngjae hoped that the other could at least hear him. He reached over to grip Jaebum’s arm to try and use him as support to stand up but stumbled, the elder catching him in his grasp. 

“Just rest for a moment.” Jaebum said, resting the younger up against the restroom wall and getting up, dampening a paper towel before kneeling back down in front of him and dabbing at his clammy skin with cool water. “Breathe. You’re having a panic attack, Jae, you need to take deep breaths.” 

Youngjae’s voice was almost a whimper, “Isn’t it hard on you?” 

Of course it was hard, it felt like the entire world was on his shoulders almost 24/7. Jaebum had university classes three days a week and volunteered at the hospital to be with Yugyeom on his free days, but he thought he had no right to complain when the younger was crying in front of him right now and Yugyeom was was currently doors away in need of new treatment.  He knew wasn’t okay, however this was nothing and he could handle even more if he had to. But he chose not to lie.

“It’s hard.” He admitted. “But this is nothing compared to what Yugyeom is dealing with.” 

“You’re not Yugyeom, you can stop being a superman once in awhile, hyung. Let it go, take a break.” Youngjae rested his head on Jaebum’s shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist, and let out a shaky breath. “The world isn’t going to stop turning if you put yourself first for a moment.” 

“I’m okay, Jae. Yugyeom is precious to me like my own little brother, by now he’s practically like my son, I’d do anything for him. And you… I want to be by your side no matter what. You’ll let me do that, won’t you?” Jaebum didn’t pull back to look at Youngjae’s face, instead, he leaned forward on his knees, resting his hands on the younger’s hips, bringing him closer and smelling the sadness on his skin. “You make it so much more bearable.” 

“How? These days…” A shudder vibrated through their bodies and Jaebum soothed Youngjae with calming pats on the back and encouraging whispers. “I don’t understand. It feels like I’m just an extra weight for you to carry with all this moping lately.” 

“Remember when we met for the first time? When you were leaning against the doorway of the library with a smile? You’ve been nothing but an enjoyable presence to me since that day. Even now, when you’re rubbing snot on my favorite hoodie.” Jaebum softly laughed.

“Sorry.” Youngjae grumbled and it made the other laugh even more as the younger adjusted himself to get a piece of paper towel and wipe his nose along with any snotty dampness on the elder’s hoodie. 

Jaebum continued, “The point is… You’ll have your days, I’ll have mine too, but no matter how many of those are going to come, you’re not a burden, got it?” Youngjae gave out a reluctant hum. “Actually, the day we met was one of my favorite, though it was still embarrassing to have you find me singing.” 

“Sing to me.” 

“W-what?” 

“Sing to me.” Youngjae slowly repeated, pulling away from Jaebum’s warm embrace with eyes of fiery determination. “I’ve always wanted to hear you singing again, but you’ve never sang in front of me ever since.” 

“Because it’s embarrassing!”

“Please~” Youngjae’s bottom lip was jutted out much like a little kid’s begging for candy, his eyes wide and clear. Jaebum knew he was doomed, a total sucker for the boy in front of him that his stomach had butterflies swimming with nervousness just thinking about showcasing his voice in front of the younger. 

He couldn’t believe that he was going to sing for someone other than Yugyeom, but after a few moments he finally said, “Just… Just a little bit, okay?  And it’s going to be  _ Twinkle twinkle little star _ .” He grew up loving music a lot and using it as a motivation for his studies, so his headphones were always packed away in is bag, but he didn’t have much confidence in his voice, singing mostly for fun when no one heard. 

He scooted over and took a seat next to Youngjae before taking a couple of deep breaths. Then he began to sing, a harmony building up with the children’s nursery rhyme. Jaebum had his eyes closed so he wouldn’t see Youngjae’s reaction, he tried to listen for any sign of the other but the restroom was quiet except for the still running sink, neither of them ever bothering to turn it off. 

Jaebum’s eyes flew open only when he heard a voice join him, Youngjae looking at him with a smile and singing the lullaby’s chorus flawlessly, not missing a beat while he was gaping like a fish out of water at the most angelic sound of all that was Choi Youngjae’s voice. It took another two lines before Jaebum joined the younger back into the song, both of them harmonizing and finishing off the lines in the terrible bathroom acoustics. People outside in the hallways probably were wondering what was going on in the men’s restroom, but the pair couldn’t care any less.

The song was soon over, Youngjae started singing something else and all Jaebum could do was stare. It was a song he wasn’t familiar with, a ballad by the sound of it and an angsty one by the lyrics, but Youngjae sang it so beautifully, it was almost haunting. High notes that the nursery rhyme didn’t have were being hit without a flaw and the lyrics were starting to pour sadness into Jaebum’s bones, almost like it was written for him specifically. Soon, a tear fell, and another, and another. A few moments later, Youngjae was still singing next to him as tiny sobs started to shake Jaebum’s body. 

The elder pulled up his hood over his head in attempt to hide the fact that he was crying, but Youngjae knew, of course he knew. The younger’s hand sneaked its way over to Jaebum’s and squeezed it reassuringly, telling him it was okay to cry and the latter suspected that this what Youngjae was trying to achieve in the first place. Wasn’t it the younger who told him that it was okay not to be a superman all the time just moments ago? 

So he cried, cried harder than ever before, letting the sadness he always have been bottling up escape his body.

At that point Youngjae’s singing melted into serene humming. He pulled Jaebum, who was silently weeping, close to his chest and pulled back his hood to pet his head and play with his hair to calm him down through the sobs. 

Jaebum’s mind was swirling – to the endless amount of projects he never got done in time for school to Yugyeom, to the five year old’s idiot parents who were the reason he had to sign the treatment papers. To Youngjae, who was still holding him and humming prettily, holding him in his arms. And he didn’t know which thought was overwhelming him the most. He just really, really hoped that one had to use the restroom right now. 

It took a good ten minutes for him to calm down, his hands were tightly twisted in Youngjae’s sweater and his nose beyond runny. The only thing keeping him from wiping any snot on the material of the younger’s clothes was his constant sniffling and honestly, Jaebum felt like a child. 

He felt nimble fingers twisting intricate little pieces in his hair and he looked up from his position in Youngjae’s lap to see what the latter was doing. “Are you braiding my hair?” He asked incredulously, voice cracking and sounding much like sandpaper.

“Maybe.” Was the lighthearted answer he got in return, with a hint of a slight humor to it, and Jaebum just scoffed. “How do you feel? Better?” 

He thought for a moment, relaxing back into the touch of the boy he adored, letting the ridiculous braids take over his hair. He felt relieved, for the first time in a long while not feeling like the world was crushing his shoulders. He felt lighter. “Better.” Jaebum finally confirmed.

Youngjae grinned, the sun shining in his smile. “Good.” Then he looked around, finally noticing their surroundings. “Ah, we’re really a mess, sitting on the bathroom floor crying like that. We really should get up.” 

Jaebum agreed. The bathroom wasn’t the ideal place to bond, it kind of smelled and someone  _ really _ needed to finally turn off the water. With a sigh, he let go of Youngjae and got up, stretching his limbs as he stood up, then gave the other a hand to help him stand up too. When he shut off the water, silence washed over them making everything awkward and they just stared at each other with funny expressions that made them giggle, both of them finally free from the sad atmosphere.

In the back of their mind they knew it wasn’t going to last, that Yugyeom was still sick in bed just a hallway down from the bathroom. They were aware of the fact that it was only a temporary happiness, but Jaebum was willing to let it go for a moment, trusting Mark and other nurses to keep the child stable. Nothing good would come out of this if they waited around the cancer ward lobby overnight and bugged nurses about the boy’s condition. All they could do was to wait it out.

Jaebum walked Youngjae back to his car. Actually, he did it only to waste some time, not knowing what he would do afterwards, either hang back at the hospital or go back to his apartment, but right now, he just wanted to hold the younger’s hand. 

It felt like it took mere seconds to get to the vehicle, their shoulders bumping and hands swinging between them the whole way, earning them a few stares as they walked through the dim parking garage but they paid no mind as they walked in comfortable silence. 

When Youngjae opened the door of the car, he turned to look back at Jaebum with a shy gaze. “Do you want to come over? Have some coffee, or something?” 

“I’d love that.” The elder answered all too quickly with a wide smile plastered on his lips and Youngjae laughed, ushering him to get in the passenger’s seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally up lmao. I like this chapter, it's on the short side but I'm pleased with it (for now). No Yugyeom in this chapter, just some 2jae bonding time! Also I have a Christmas 2young fic coming up so please look forward to it!!


	7. Chapter 7

Youngjae’s place was bigger and much cleaner than Jaebum’s small studio apartment, but honestly, what else could the latter afford being an unemployed college student. He lived on instant ramen and cheap takeout chicken and never liked to wash his clothes, and Youngjae’s place was the complete opposite of what he was used to – smelling like clean laundry and a small white dog greeted him with a little bark and wagging tail at the door.  
“Her name is Coco.” Youngjae told him tossing his keys on the kitchen counter. “I got her a year ago after I started feeling lonely here.” 

“She’s adorable.” Jaebum bent down to pet her fluffy hair and ruffle her ears, the small puppy running around in a circle yipping at him wanting more attention. “I used to have a cat named Nora before I got into university, but my parents thought it would be too much of a hassle to take her with me, so they kept her at home.”

“I’m allergic to animals with fur, so if you still had her hair on you, I’d be sneezing up a storm.” Youngjae laughed. 

Suddenly, a hungry rumble sounded through the apartment and the younger covered his stomach embarrassed. He was living only on the coffee he had been sipping on that morning and they hadn’t had a break all day while being holed up at the hospital - his stomach was about to eat itself for dinner, Youngjae was sure.

“Have you eaten at all today?” Jaebum questioned, accusingly raising an eyebrow at him.

“Uh… We’ve been kind of preoccupied, so eating didn’t really cross my mind. Did you manage to eat, though? I didn’t see you eat a thing, so why are you questioning me?”

“I had ramen for breakfast,” Jaebum was trying to sound innocent, but now Youngjae was glaring at him, feeling played. 

“That’s not even breakfast.” 

“Permission to raid your kitchen, then?” 

“Granted.” 

Jaebum clapped his hands with a gleeful smile. “Let’s make dinner.”

“Do you even know how to cook?” Youngjae wondered out loud and Jaebum hummed, barely sparing him another glance before heading toward the kitchen cupboards and trying to find out what was inside. Hint: not much. 

“Of course not, show me a university student who’s good at cooking. But you’re bound to learn some things while living on your own, plus, I have you.” Jaebum sounded much more confident than he felt. “How bad can two grown adults be?” 

Youngjae smiled at his enthusiasm, deciding to trust him. “So what are we cooking, chef?”

“Spaghetti. Basic, and I think you have all the ingredients.” Jaebum had his head stuck in the cupboard trying to reach for something and the younger was trying his very best not to crack up at the way the other looked like a toddler on a countertop, his butt stuck in the air. Youngjae had to admit, Jaebum’s ass was pretty admirable. 

“Need help, hyung?” 

“No, but why is the pasta sauce so far back?” he complained, sliding down from the counter, sauce in hand and looking at Youngjae with disbelief.

“I don’t cook that often.” The latter shrugged.

It turned out they had the cooking skills of new fathers who had never touched a kitchen appliance in their entire life. The noodles ended up unevenly cooked, some semi-hard and some soft, but they put it on their plates with uncaring shrugs anyway. The sauce was plain, so, so plain, but with some seasonings they found up in the cupboards they managed to bring it to life somewhat. Really it was a boring dish, complimentary of two twenty somethings but they had fun putting it together, making a mess of Youngjae's rarely used kitchen and breaking in the stove top with splatters of sauce and hot boiling water. 

The pair sat across from each other playing footsie under the table with glasses of white wine to help them ignore the taste of their mediocre meal. TV was turned on in the dimly lit living room to give them background noise and Coco was sleeping on the couch. 

It was terribly domestic, but Youngjae didn’t think that it was half bad. It was comedic, too, the messy kitchen and pasta stained clothing, but it was also nice to sit down and enjoy hot albeit questionable food with someone you genuinely like. And somehow, Youngjae felt a little bit more in love.

Crunch. Jaebum’s face distorted into one of horrified realization as he continued to chew. Another crunch. 

“Hard noodle?” a nod followed Youngjae’s question. “I have ice cream in the freezer. Do you want that instead?” Another nod. He gathered up their almost nearly empty plates and set them on the counter, leaving them there to take care of later. “Dessert it is.” 

Moments later they were on the couch with Coco between them, a pint of vanilla ice cream in their hands and large spoons in their mouths while watching some drama, worries at the back of their minds. It felt good, almost too good, but they couldn’t complain. 

Youngjae was beginning to get starry eyed, all cozy and warm in blankets on the couch next to Jaebum, the two of them feeling incredibly happy. But there was something missing. 

The younger looked at Jaebum, who was giving Coco small tastes of ice cream from the spoon, the ball of fluff way too happy to taste the sweet human food. 

“Do you feel uneasy too?” He finally asked and Jaebum nodded, letting out a sigh.

“I texted Mark to call me if something happens, but my phone has been silent all evening.” Jaebum dug his phone out of his pocket and checked the notifications, only to throw it on the couch beside him with a huff. “No news is good news, but then again, he’s probably off his shift.”

Youngjae groaned and sank into the cushions covering his face with the blanket, ice cream forgotten and melting on the floor. “I miss Yugyeom. I miss playing with him, I miss his laugh.” He said peeking from under the blanket to look at the elder, who was resting his head on the back of the couch and looking back at him. “What should we do, hyung?” 

“It will pass, it will all pass.” Was Jaebum’s reply, expression tender, gentle fingers brushing chestnut colored hair away from Youngjae’s eyes. “Somehow, with time it always goes away.”

The younger reached up and caught Jaebum’s hand, measuring the sizes of their fingers and comparing whose hand was bigger. Surprisingly, the elder’s hand was smaller with shorter fingers, Youngjae’s own being taller than them just slightly. His own hands were a bit more feminine, his mother always told him they were made for playing piano and Youngjae was somehow bribed into classes, even though all he wanted to do was singing. 

Youngjae wiggled his fingers against Jaebum’s one last time before entwining them together. Warm, Jaebum was always so warm. 

“Youngjae,” his voice brought the younger out of his thoughts and he noticed Jaebum’s eyes roaming to his face, letting their hands drop on the couch between them, still linked together. “Can I… Kiss you?”

“You don’t need to ask.” It was an instant reply and Youngjae’s face heated up as soon as he said it, but there was no going back now. He swallowed down the shyness he felt rising in his body, not allowing himself to back down as he felt Jaebum inch closer with vanilla breath and hesitant eyes. 

This kiss was different from their first, no salty tears on their lips, no wet cheeks, it was more comfortable and less needy. Youngjae loved this one ten times more as he was cocooned in a baby blue blanket, Jaebum right next to him, their lips tasting like vanilla bean ice cream. 

Jaebum pressed his mouth against his and Youngjae followed the rhythm, tilting his head to reach better before the elder put his hands at the base of his neck guiding him through and making him lose his mind. Youngjae’s brain was about to short circuit as Jaebum’s hot lips were sliding so perfectly against his and he didn’t want to back away, but seconds were ticking and he needed to breathe.

Youngjae could feel a wet slide of a tongue on his bottom lip and he gasped, pulling away and looking at the other with hooded eyes and a face tinted the color of a flower. If Youngjae looked in a mirror, he’d consider himself a mess, but the view in front of him was mesmerizing even, the color of Jaebum’s cheeks being the prettiest pink, his lips thoroughly debauched and Youngjae wanted to pull him by the strings of his hoodie and kiss him a hundred more times, just to see how red his lips could get. 

“Sorry,” Youngjae finally said, still staring. “I needed air.” 

He watched Jaebum running his fingers through his hair and licking his lips, almost as if he was tasting the remnants of Youngjae who was kissing him moments ago, and it drove the younger insane. He was far past screwed at this point. 

“You didn’t pull away because I licked your lips?” Jaebum was smirking now, definitely too teasing for someone who was way past gone himself judging by his blush. 

Youngjae spluttered, crossing his arms in defense. “You just surprised me, that’s all.” 

“So would you have let me gone further?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

Youngjae paused, giving himself a moment to think. He really stopped to let himself breathe, but the push of Jaebum’s tongue indeed had been a slight shock to him. Would he have let him continue if he hadn’t needed air? He bit at his swollen lips and looked at the other, enjoying the state they were both in. The kiss had been incredibly pleasurable and perfect without going too far, but Youngjae was willing to go further without crossing the line. There were too many things he wasn’t ready for yet. 

He sat facing the TV again, blanket covering most of his face ignoring Jaebum’s smug stare. Eventually, he pulled the blanket fully over his head to avoid embarrassment, but the elder tugged it down just below his eyes. 

“I don’t get an answer?” 

“Kissing and… tongue… is okay…” he mumbled, voice muffled by the blanket. Jaebum began laughing and rested his head on Youngjae’s shoulder, his chuckles making the younger pout. “Don’t make fun of me or you’re getting nothing!”

“Okay, okay.” Jaebum surrendered, cuddling up to the guy. “I’ll be good.”

“Promise?” Youngjae asked, putting the blanket over the both of them now, making sure Jaebum wasn’t cold.

“Promise.” 

They ended up falling asleep to idle chatter on the couch with their legs entangled and the blanket wrapped mainly around Youngjae. Jaebum was warmed only by the younger’s body heat and Coco on top of him. The younger was a selfish sleeper, but Jaebum had a tendency to hug whatever was closest to him and that happened to be Youngjae, so it worked out fine in the end.

It was nearing midnight when Jaebum gently shook Youngjae awake. After figuring out that the younger boy was basically a sleeping corpse, he manually sat Youngjae up and patted his cheeks a few times until his eyes opened. 

“It’s time to get up, Jae. We have to get to the hospital.” The elder was kneeling in front of him with Youngjae’s sneakers in hand and looking at the ground, undoing the laces, ready to put them on his feet. “I know it’s late. You can stay here if you want, though.” 

“What happened?” Youngjae asked, voice thick with drowsiness. He pulled the blanket closer around himself, basically a blanket burrito by now, but he still put his foot in the shoe as Jaebum instructed. 

“Yugyeom is in the ICU.” Jaebum didn’t say anything more, as he was lacing the shoes on Youngjae’s feet, nor did he look up and the younger didn’t blame him, not sure what to say in this situation either. 

The elder got up as Youngjae stayed on the couch not wanting to move from the comfort of the blanket and the safe bubble that was his home. They both realized that something was off, in the back of their mind they were even waiting for that phone call telling them to come, and it was only a matter of time. 

“Do you trust me to drive your car?” Youngjae looked up to see Jaebum standing in the kitchen with keys dangling in his fingers. The last thing he wanted to do was drive, but he wasn’t about to take any other means of transportation. 

“I trust you with my life, I think you can handle my car.” 

“Ready to go?” Jaebum smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. The whole situation was rushed from the second he woke up and Youngjae knew Jaebum was panicking inside, but he smiled back anyway, following the older guy out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been 100 weeks, I've been meaning to edit this chapter for a while. My friend told me she thought I was betraying Got7 and 2jae because I started writing for another fandom..oops. I'm also really hating my writing these days and trying to find myself in it so if it's a bit back and forth these days I apologize!! :'( In the mean time, this update!!


	8. Chapter 8

“He wasn’t waking up because of his fever getting too high. Everyone became worried so they transferred him to the ICU to keep a closer eye on him.” Jaebum said with a low voice. He was speeding, foot too heavy on the gas, but he didn’t have it in him to care at the moment – if he got a ticket, he’d worry about it later. It wasn’t his priority right now. 

Youngjae was sitting in the passenger seat with his knees up to his chin and a blanket on his lap, eyes glassy as he asked, “Will we be able to see him?”

Jaebum’s grip on the wheel tightened, he could feel the leather under his hands stick to his palms, voice low. “I don’t know.”

“When this is all over,” Youngjae started softly, taking one of Jaebum’s hands off of the wheel in attempt to make him relax. “Let’s take him somewhere, maybe the beach. Yugyeom deserves a vacation.” 

Jaebum was about to say something – something along the lines of how it was a duty of the child’s parents to bring Yugyeom on vacation, but his parents were never around, and on top of that, Jaebum wanted to do this anyway. The five year old more than deserved it, and if Youngjae wanted to bring him somewhere, then that’s what they’d do, but first they had a mountain to climb. 

Mark was transferred to the Pediatrics ICU for the moment due to the fact that he knew Yugyeom’s condition the best. Even though the nurse himself didn’t know the place or the working conditions that well because he rarely worked in ICU, he had a helping hand, who just happened to be his best friend. When Jaebum and Youngjae arrived to find Mark fighting with some blonde guy with his hands on his hips, they didn’t know what to think.

“Should we be worried?” Youngjae whispered over to Jaebum, hugging the folded blanket to his chest, the only comfort he had at this point. 

“I think they know each other—“ 

“Yes, we know each other! And we also can hear you. I’m Jackson by the way, Mark’s best friend and personal savior, because he doesn’t know his way around this place.” Jackson was obnoxious, that’s the only way Jaebum could put it. Overly friendly, but obnoxious and the exact opposite of Mark. “I’m guessing you’re Jaebum and this cutie is..?”

“C-Choi Youngjae.” The latter introduced himself with ears glowing red from the compliment and reached out his hand to shake Jackson’s. Jaebum followed with a polite nod, swinging his arm around Youngjae’s shoulders afterwards as a protective gesture. 

The younger cleared his throat clearly slightly embarrassed about the situation, but Jaebum shamelessly tucked him closer into his side watching the expression on Jackson’s face, which didn’t budge from the smile he was wearing, much to Jaebum’s dissatisfaction.

“Well, hello Choi Youngjae, Jaebum, nice to meet you. I’m sure you’re here to hear about little Yugyeom? Markie-pooh, I’ll leave this one up to you~” Jackson sing-songed Mark’s nickname before leaving them alone, making the nurse choke on the coffee he was sipping. 

Mark cleared his throat, looked at the two guys in front of him and sighed. “Before that, there’s something you should now.”  _ Now _ Jaebum was confused. “I finally got ahold of Yugyeom’s parents. They want to visit him, but since he was just transferred when our staff called them, I’m letting him get settled first. Right now they’re in the lobby.” 

Jaebum’s feet started moving before his mind began to think. He wanted out of the ICU, maybe to punch a wall or, even better, Yugyeom’s parents for being shitheads. Who cared about the health care payments, they could figure that out later – Yugyeom needed his parents’ love and attention more than anything. Jaebum was willing to work for the rest of his life to fight off Yugyeom’s debt as long as the kid could see his parents and feel happy. 

“Hyung! Don’t you dare to even think about going to them right now.” Youngjae’s hand encircled his wrist and pulled him back. “It’s not worth it. We’re here for Yugyeom and I don’t want to see you fight with his parents in the middle of the night.”

Jaebum hesitated then looked down at the ground, looking a lot like a kicked puppy and rubbing at the back of his neck. “Sorry. But you know how I feel about this, you probably feel the same way.” 

“I know, but it’s not the time.” Youngjae said, lessening his grip and letting go, now facing Mark who went back to his coffee, guiltily eyeing the situation. “Tell us about Yugyeom.” 

The nurse sat them down in chairs in the ICU’s lobby, outside of where all the patient's rooms were located. It was quiet, except for the subtle beeping of heart monitors through the walls and hushed chatter of nurses at a large desk not too far off from them. 

“He got weak as his body was fighting the infection and his fever is only rising. Whenever I tried to wake him up to check the vitals or give another dose of medication, I didn’t get much response, so I began to worry. He’s under strict supervision right now, so there’s no immediate concern and we should be getting blood results back soon.” Mark played with the fringe of his hair as he spoke and smiled at them with a reassuring smile, but he looked tired. He was there all day with Yugyeom and now was there for him during the night – no wonder he was cradling that cup of coffee like it was his child. “Don’t worry, Jackson and I will take care of him. Yugyeom is a strong kid.”

“Do you need another cup of coffee?” Jaebum asked him, offering to buy him one. It was the least he could do and the regular hospital coffee wasn’t going to get Mark through the night. The man needed at least an espresso. “You’ve been here all day, when are you going home?” 

Mark smiled again, suddenly looking ready for bed. “My shift ends at three. I picked up an extra round here to look after Yugyeom, even though Jackson is a little peeved about it, but he’ll deal. Plus, some extra cash isn’t bad. Also,” He lifted his almost empty cup. “This my fifth and I’m pretty high on caffeine already. I’ll manage a few more hours. Thank you, though.”

“It’s us who should be thanking you.” It was Youngjae, who spoke now, knowing what’s on Jaebum’s mind. “You’ve been by Yugyeom’s side for a while, watching over him. It means a lot, it must be exhausting.” 

Mark shook his head, brown hair covering his eyes a bit. “It doesn’t bother me, it’s my job. More than that, though he’s a pleasure to take care of, Yugyeom is fun and cute. He’s not my only patient, but he’s one of my favorites and I genuinely hope he gets better. And I’m here to help make that happen.”

“Thank you, Mark.” Jaebum finally opened his mouth to properly thank the nurse for all that he’s done, knowing that Mark has helped him pull a few stunts to try and get Yugyeom out of his room without IV lines and some other things that weren’t really allowed, and Jaebum was especially glad he was there on that day when Yugyeom dropped into his arms. Mark was always there and he couldn’t be more thankful, the nurse becoming a good friend of Jaebum’s over the time. Though they weren’t super close, the friendship they had was comfortable and trusting.

“My pleasure.” Mark bowed with a happier smile this time. “I’ll be leaving, I have rounds to make. I’ll come back to tell when you can visit Yugyeom.” 

And then they were left alone. 

Youngjae and Jaebum were both tired, but the hospital was a sleepless place. Someone was always walking in the halls, the faint smell of coffee lingering in the air, families and staff alike living off of caffeine, the liquid running in their veins like the drugs that were stocked in the shelves.

Jaebum looked at the boy beside him. Youngjae was staring at a wall across them and his navy sweater was wrinkled from sleeping in it, his hair was sticking out in funny directions and the blanket was still hugged to his chest, undoubtedly a habit by now. 

“How are you feeling?” The elder asked, concerned voice breaking the silence.

“Tired. Worried. Kind of numb, actually. I feel like I should be feeling a lot more, but I’m just… Not.” Youngjae blamed it on the fact that he woke up to the news, that Jaebum was practically lacing his shoes the moment he opened his eyes, that he was dead tired. In all honestly he didn’t know what he should be blaming it on. “I… I have a confession.” 

Jaebum felt an inkling of nervousness at these words and he didn’t know why. “Is it something big?” He asked. The words were simple, nothing harsh, but Youngjae just shrugged in response.

“It’s something you may not be pleased with.” The latter admitted, making Jaebum’s nervousness level rise as he was avoiding an eye contact. “The donation project… It was cancelled. I’ve been meaning to tell you, but haven’t found the right time. Everything has been so hectic these days.” 

His eyes were on the ground as he was biting his lip. It was a confession Jaebum didn’t expect and also the one he did not want to hear. He had been looking forward to the project to help with all the health expenses that had been piling up on Yugyeom’s family ever since he stepped into the hospital at the tender age of four, but there was nothing he could do or say about it, he couldn’t even get angry. He could, actually, but that wouldn’t have done anything good either.

“Was there no choice?”

“I wondered too. Our partnership with another company was canceled and they were the ones who helped us organize it. We can’t do it alone.” Youngjae explained, fidgeting in his seat. His leg was bouncing and his fingers were playing with the edge of the blanket, his shirt, anything that he could touch and Jaebum knew that he was feeling partially at fault.

Jaebum thought about Yugyeom’s parents down in the lobby. As mad as he was at them, as pissed as he could be at them for never visiting their son because of their busy schedules, he pitied them. It couldn’t be easy being away from their son, working their fingers to the bone just to pay the medical bills that were undoubtedly filling their mailbox. Jaebum himself was starting to feel more and more responsible for the kid, being an important figure in his life since he spent so much time with him, yet no money was coming out of his pocket. 

Jaebum also felt guilty.

“I’m sorry.” Youngjae spoke again. Jaebum was zoning out, his eyes glazed and fingers picking at the material inside the pocket of his hoodie. “I’ll figure something out.” 

“Maybe I can get a job.” The elder said suddenly, the thought popping up in his head out of nowhere. “I have time after my classes most days of the week and I can still visit Yugyeom on weekends. A part time job wouldn’t be that bad.” 

Youngjae looked at him like he was crazy and Jaebum chuckled at it while scuffing his shoes on the tiled floor. “It’s just… I feel responsible for Yugyeom now, and I know his parents can’t deal with these bills all alone. It’s the least I can do. Maybe they can visit him more often too, he’d definitely be happier with them around.” 

Scooching his chair closer to Jaebum’s, the younger spread the baby blue blanket across their laps and perched his head on the elder’s shoulder. Jaebum reached out and held his hand under the blanket, if anyone walked by no one would’ve known that their fingers were intertwined. It had somehow become a habit by now, Jaebum seeking comfort in holding the other’s hand while playing with his fingers, and that’s also how he comforted Youngjae. “No matter what, he’ll be happy, and we’ll make sure he ends up healthy. We’ll find our way through this.”

Jaebum trusted Youngjae’s words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe that the way this is going, the fic will end at about 13 chapters? So we still have a little bit more to go!! Also..any advice/ideas for an ending? ;; Thank you for reading, once again!!


	9. Chapter 9

They ended up spending that night in the hospital, trying to make uncomfortable chairs somehow possible to doze off in. Youngjae fell asleep first while Jaebum spent most of the time up and awake on coffee and nervous energy that the caffeine was only making worse.

When both of them woke up, Jaebum getting only a mere few moments of sleep, Mark shooed them out telling to come back later so that they could get some fresh air and take a shower. Honestly, the nurse was right – it had been only a day, but Youngjae felt gross sleeping in the same clothes twice in a row and his hair was getting greasy. He was uncomfortable and he could tell that Jaebum was too. 

Youngjae was also worried about Yugyeom’s parents, but figured that maybe it would be better if Jaebum didn’t cross their path at the moment, even though he didn’t even know if they were still around. For Yugyeom’s sake, he hoped that his parents stuck close to the hospital. And for Jaebum’s sake, well, Youngjae thought it was a good idea to get the man a shower and maybe a good nap before the inevitable encounter, since he knew the elder was still holding a bit of a grudge. 

Before he could drag the elder to the parking ramp the car was located in, Jaebum somehow managed to locate every café and small establishments inside the hospital that could possibly be hiring and grabbed an application. Youngjae wanted to stop him, tell him he could help with Yugyeom’s bills, money wasn’t really an issue for him and he’d give any amount to help, but he also knew that as much as Jaebum wanted that debt to be gone, he didn’t want Youngjae to dump that kind of money all by himself. He knew Jaebum wanted to work and help Yugyeom too, even though it hurt to watch Jaebum in the passenger seat shuffling through at least six applications in his hands and looking them over with a crease in his brow.

They stayed at his place again that day.  Out of both of their apartments it was furthest from the hospital , so Youngjae didn’t even know why the latter asked if he could come along, but later he started to assume that was exactly why – because it was far, because it was an escape. 

It was a bit different this time, lending Jaebum his shower and clothes that he knew wouldn’t fit him unless they were too big on Youngjae himself. In the end, he found clothing that would suffice for now. Jaebum was donned in a green sweater he would never wear if he had a choice and casual sweatpants that did absolutely nothing for his figure. Honestly, Youngjae secretly liked the view, but what he liked even more was the scent that lingered every time Jaebum walked by. It was a familiar scent of his own shampoo, however, it still was somehow distinctly _ Jaebum _ , but he couldn’t figure out what made it so, him. 

After Youngjae stepped out of the shower in fresh clothes and damp hair, he found the other at the kitchen table with job applications spread out in front of him, one hand holding a pen and another one in his hair, obviously frustrated. Youngjae sighed and looked upon the scene with a pang of sudden sadness, but he decided that if he couldn’t rid of Jaebum’s troubles, the least he could was to help Jaebum through them. And right now what the the older needed the most was a nap, he had black and blue circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep and he was undoubtedly bound to crash real soon. 

Youngjae gently took the pen out of his hand, causing the other to look up with a confused expression that made him terribly adorable, almost making the younger crack and give the stupid writing utensil back and make him happy, but he tucked it in his pocket instead. 

“You need sleep.” He told, but Jaebum only held his hand out. 

“Please, give it back.” He prodded Youngjae with a worn out look, and that look only gave Youngjae more reasons to get him to bed. 

“No. You look like shit and you need sleep.”

Youngjae could tell that Jaebum was trying to be stern and persuasive, but the exhausted tone in his voice was doing the exact opposite, “I’m fine.” 

“You’re living on two and a half hours of sleep and four cups of strong coffee. You’re about to crash and there’s a comfortable bed not far away, just use it.” It was almost too easy to pull Jaebum to his feet, he obviously wasn’t holding back anymore and it made this much easier on Youngjae when he tugged Jaebum to his room and sat him on his bed. 

“Youngjae—“

“Don’t feel guilty.” The younger said shutting the shades and darkening the room, while Jaebum looked like a sulky child sitting on the edge of the bed. “I have a video conference anyway and I’ll be done by the time you wake up, so just take a nice nap, okay?”

Jaebum was curling up in the duvet on the bed now, the only thing visible being his sleepy eyes and the mop of hair splayed across the pillow, “Aren’t you tired?”

“Exhausted, actually.” Youngjae admitted, softly running his fingers through the elder’s hair, causing him to sigh with content and close his eyes. 

Youngjae’s body was sore from falling asleep on a hospital chair and the hot shower he took only minutes ago did nothing to alleviate the pain lingering in his bones, not to mention he had gotten only a few moments to sleep because of the incessant worrying. The empty spot beside Jaebum suddenly started to look incredibly inviting and he wanted to crawl in and get a few hours of sleep, but Youngjae knew he couldn’t, not to mention that sleeping next to Jaebum was something else entirely. 

Before he could squeeze another thought in his mind, a soft snore sounded from below him, Jaebum falling asleep beneath his fingertips. Youngjae fingered the soft locks for a minute and watched the other sleeping wanting the moment to last for a little longer. 

The only thing standing in the way of him staring at Jaebum sleeping for another two hours and softly petting his hair was his laptop ringing in the other room, signaling that his conference was about to start. Reluctantly and with a sleep induced moan coming from the other, Youngjae removed his hand and left the room quietly with one last longing glance before making his way to the living room, where his laptop was still chiming, answering the skype call as soon as he sat down and straightened his clothes. 

An hour and a half later, Youngjae had his laptop closed and head leaned against the back of the couch with his eyes shut. He had asked for the meeting himself since he had missed it the last time when the donation project had been cancelled, so he wanted to talk about it but it turned out to be a useless assembly of him trying to talk his boss back into trying for another project with a new partner and Jinyoung trying to back Youngjae up, but the idea was being mercilessly shut down. It took all he had in him not to punch his laptop screen. 

It was late morning now and he was debating on making breakfast for when Jaebum woke up or forego the idea and crawl in on the opposite side of the bed after all and catch up on sleep he needed so much before going back to the hospital, his eyes droopy and drowsy from a night of improper sleep and mounds of stress. Not knowing when Jaebum would wake up and not wanting to wake him from much needed sleep, Youngjae chose to nap.

He entered the room quietly to find Jaebum curled on his side hugging blankets, face snuggled into the pillow and it was a sight that Youngjae could get used to, that he  _ wanted _ to get used to. The thought of Jaebum in his bed like this was somewhat tender and incredibly domestic, it made his insides bubble up with a certain warmth. 

Youngjae knew he was letting his feelings grow too quickly and it was getting out of hand, he also knew that Jaebum may harbor feelings for him too if the kisses he had received told him anything, but he felt like he was getting too ahead of himself. They’ve never talked about the kisses, or the touches or the longing glances – they let things happen naturally, not that Youngjae minded. However, he couldn’t help feeling like he was holding out hope for something that may be just be temporary. 

Youngjae slid under the blanket, keeping an eye on Jaebum the entire time, making sure not to stir him awake, wanting him to get every bit of sleep he could and settled his head against the pillow. He traced the curves and edges of the other’s face with his eyes. He was staring again, to put it bluntly, but he couldn’t help it, there was something serene about Jaebum’s face when he was sleeping, something childlike. His cheeks were rounder, eyelashes were fanned prettily against them and his lips were in a pronounced “O” like a baby. 

Lifting up a tentative finger toward his face, Youngjae lightly tapped the pink pair of lips, watching how his finger bounced back and holding back a laugh as Jaebum’s nose scrunched up, but he brought his hand down figuring it was enough messing around. 

It took him seconds to fall asleep once he finally closed his eyes, blankets tucked around him warmly. The sleep his body was craving for took over easily, Jaebum’s slow breathing acting as a lullaby and soothing his nerves. 

The serene feeling lasted only moments, all the stress and worries caught up to him in a form of a nightmare looking too real, the image so vivid that it felt like he could reach out and touch everything around him.

Yugyeom was laying on the hospital bed of his ward, the moon shining bright on his peaceful figure and the sound of the heart monitor flatlining was loudly ringing in Youngjae’s ears. Not hearing a heartbeat, no steady beeping as a symbol of life, it suddenly became his biggest fear.

Youngjae was standing next to the bed and holding Yugyeom’s tiny cold hand and trying to warm it back up as if would bring him back to life. His face looked too pale in the moonlight, truly like a corpse, his eyelashes hitting his cheeks where lively color should be, but it was just white, almost translucent in the eerie lighting – pale. Dead. 

That’s when the sobs started, tears splattering on the back of the hand he was holding too tightly and he could swear he heard the laugh of the gone too soon five year old somewhere in the air, one of the most joyful sounds suddenly becoming one of sadness. 

“Come back.” Youngjae begged, his voice cracking and desperate. “You need to come back.” 

Jaebum appeared then, shaking his shoulders, trying to pull him away from the bed, away from from the child be became to love so dearly, so he started kicking and thrashing his way out of the other’s arms, shouts of desperation ripping from his throat and still holding onto the hope that Yugyeom will come back.

“Youngjae, wake up.”

“Yugyeom needs to wake up!” He yelled, trying to free himself so he could run to the boy’s side again. 

“Youngjae. Youngjae!”

Blinking his eyes open, he woke up to the sight of Jaebum hovering above him with a concerned expression and bad bed head. After letting out a sigh of relief that it was only a dream, just a nightmare, tears started to pool in his eyes and the Jaebum’s figure started to get blurry.

“It was just a dream?” He asked weakly, tears finally spilling over his cheeks and wetting the pillow beneath his head. He reached out to Jaebum to make sure he was real, fingers clumsily clutching to the borrowed sweater and he cried even more, sobs shaking his body. 

“You’re okay, it was just a dream.” Jaebum lifted him to a sitting position and wrapped a blanket over his shoulders, finally tugging him close, running his palms over his shaking body to soothe him into comfort. “Everything’s fine, I’m here.”

It was his heartbeat that took Youngjae out of his hysterics. The steady beating against his ear when he rested his head against Jaebum’s chest while he was wrapped in his arms, that sound was the most comforting thing after imagining Yugyeom’s heart being still and soundless. The person next to him was warm and alive, and that was everything he needed that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been lazy but here's this chapter, please enjoy it!! And also thank you for reading!!


	10. Chapter 10

They were finally able to see Yugyeom that evening and Youngjae was teetering on the edge of relief seeing the boy’s face again and being scared of the reality of the situation. Jaebum was treading on eggshells near the younger through the rest of the morning and afternoon, seeing that he was still distressed from the nightmare, and though he did all he could to comfort Youngjae, he felt lost seeing the other so detached. Jaebum had yet to find out what the younger had dreamt and it made him all the more curious, but he was careful not to prod the subject.

It happened when they were sitting on the floor eating takeout and watching some Hollywood movie that just happened to be on TV. Jaebum was slowly going insane, mostly because Youngjae wasn’t eating, only picking at the food in front of him with his chopsticks, stabbing everything and putting it back down, the food never reaching his mouth.

“What was the dream about?” He asked, finally cracking and bringing the topic up. Jaebum tried to sound nonchalant and not too worrying, stuffing noodles in his mouth right after the words escaped his lips.

Youngjae stopped picking his food and dropped his utensils with a sigh, stealing Jaebum’s drink and chugging it in one go, making the elder’s eyes go wide with surprise. The empty cup was slammed down with a gasp of air and a wet cough before he looked at Jaebum.

“I could understand you chugging down soju or something, but that was a full glass of soda you just drank and I feel sorry for your stomach.” The latter picked up the empty cup with a pout, not even a drop was left. “Are you trying to get soda drunk?”

“It was Yugyeom.” Youngjae finally blurted. “But he was dead.”

Jaebum’s gaze flickered back to Youngjae , who was slowly shrinking into himself after spilling the words and looking much more like a child himself.

“I was so scared, hyung, the sound of the heart monitor going flat keeps ringing in my head and I keep trying to forget it, but it’s not going away.” Youngjae continued, words spilling in a flurry, as he kept running his fingers through his hair obviously beyond distraught.

Jaebum was a loser and at a loss for words, he couldn’t even reach out to the person in front of him to comfort him, watching as Youngjae was slowly tearing himself apart again. Instead, he was lost in his own mind, thinking about the situation, about the nightmare. As soon as the four letter word popped out of Youngjae’s mouth, Jaebum suddenly became _really afraid_.

It was his biggest fear, the thing he wanted to avoid at all the possible costs if he could, but it was only a dream and he couldn’t be more relieved.

Youngjae, however, was being haunted by it since the moment he woke up, and though he sobbed it all out in Jaebum’s arms, there was a lingering fear nagging at his brain, a fear that he was trying to keep at bay and ignore, trying to convince himself that this was not some sort of premonition that something was about to go horribly, horribly wrong.

 

When they were back at the hospital, Youngjae started panicking, not wanting to be there at all. He made Jaebum drive again, since he wouldn’t be able to focus, instead he ended up fidgeting and gnawing his bottom lip raw the entire car ride. He felt like a hopeless bundle of anxiety that wouldn’t settle down.

Jaebum, on the other hand, was quiet, not wanting to say anything that would make Youngje’s anxiety bubble up more. It had been days since they last saw Yugyeom and he was looking forward to what was ahead, even if it was for a short moment, but as soon as Youngjae had seen the door to the five year old’s room, he turned away, not wanting to look inside to peek at the boy, afraid of what he would see.

It was ridiculous – he had a nightmare, it was only a dream, Youngjae knew that. He shouldn’t be so afraid to see the image of the dream mirrored in real life, it just didn’t work like that. But the terrifying sound of a flat line was still echoing in his head, making him feel ill on his feet.

Jaebum was in front of him, looking past Youngjae’s shoulder and into Yugyeom’s room. His expression made it clear that he wasn’t enjoying the scene in front of his eyes and knowing that made only made his stomach churn even more.

“Close your eyes.” Jaebum instructed.

“Why?”

“Don’t ask, just do it.”

Once Youngjae had his eyes closed, the Jaebum spoke again. “Listen carefully, do you hear the heart monitor?”

At first he wanted to tell Jaebum stop being ridiculous, how could he possibly hear it when the boy was still a room away with a glass door separating them, but before he could open up his mouth to speak, he heard it. Though quiet, the steady beeping of Yugyeom’s heart reached his ears and Youngjae held onto the sound not wanting to let it go, afraid it would disappear.

His fear started to melt away with every beep, the memory of his nightmare dissolving into tiny bits and leaving him hopeful that everything would be okay.

“Feel better?” Jaebum asked after seeing the tension in Youngjae’s body slowly leaving him with every heartbeat.

Opening his eyes, he gave Jaebum a soft smile. “Much better.”

Yugyeom was improving, even though by the look of the machines that were hooked to the sleeping child would make you think otherwise. The only thing that convinced Youngjae was a healthy flush in his skin and nurse’s words that Yugyeom will be back to his normal ward by the end of the night and under close supervision.

They didn’t stay for long, only long enough to hold Yugyeom’s hand and kiss his forehead whispering encouragements that he’ll be out of there soon, before the nurse on duty ushered them out. It left them feeling a bit empty, seeing the child they loved so much for only a few moments, but it still was enough, knowing that later they’ll be able to see him again soon under more normal circumstances.

So when the evening came and Mark called them, voice loud and happy, they were in a café a few blocks down, lazily going about their day. Youngjae was helping Jaebum fill out job applications, when the nurse said Yugyeom was back in the ward and they both stood up immediately, heading out of the door before Mark could get out another word.

It didn’t take long to reach the hospital, Mark found them slumped on the chairs in the lobby out of breath and laughing from jogging a couple of blocks back to the ward, so he offered them coffee, which they happily accepted, thirsty and in need of energy.

“Yugyeom woke up asking for his parents.” Mark slowly started, getting both of their heads to turn and look at him. “I believe they’re staying in a hotel nearby due to him being in the ICU, I think it’ll be good for him to finally see them.” He handed them their cups as they let the information sink, wondering what should they say. Youngjae looked at Jaebum, whose face was blank.

“Of course he should see them. It’ll make him happy.” He voiced, smiling at Jaebum, who was now looking at him with curious eyes. “It will be a good chance for you to talk to them too.” Youngjae pointed out.

Lately Jaebum had been less keen on a confrontation with Yugyeom’s parents, instead he wanted to talk to them about helping with the bills, so that they could visit their child more frequently.

He was still quite bitter though, but with a moment of silence to think and Youngjae’s bright smile, he let out a sigh and nodded, letting go of his petty feelings.

It wasn’t long before they entered Yugyeom’s room to see the boy sitting up in his bed with a coloring book on his lap and crayons everywhere, a couple of them on the floor even, and it reminded Jaebum of one of their happier moments, one that included Youngjae as well. One of his favourite memories.

The happy yells of excitement that left the kid’s lips after he registered the pair in the room was everything to Jaebum’s ears at that moment. He had missed the child more than he had known and the sight before him almost made him want to cry.

“Hyungs!~” Yugyeom was still yelling for them, beckoning them to his bedside and Jaebum was next to him in an instant, picking up the crayons on the floor before facing him, wiping at his face to get rid of the stray tear of happiness that escaped his eye by accident.

“It’s so good to see you, Gyeomie!” Youngjae exclaimed just as brightly, smothering the boy in tiny little pecks on the face, making him giggle in response and wipe away the kisses like they were full of cooties.

“Save the kisses for Jaebum hyung!” Yugyeom said with a laugh.

“Hey!” Youngjae and Jaebum said at the same time, both their faces flushing red with embarrassment, but the mischievous five year old looked at them wiggling his eyebrows with rebellion. Apparently, they weren’t as subtle as they thought.

“The moment you get better you also get sassier, amazing how the world works.” Jaebum mumbled, but made sure the troublemaker in front of him heard it, tiny shoulders bunching up in a careless shrug instead of a reply.

Jaebum laughed at the child’s antics and finally have him a gentle squeeze, wanting the boy close after feeling like he’s been far away for so long, giving him a few kisses for good measure, Yugyeom’s squealing making him feel smug. Payback.

“My mom’s coming today!” the kid announced after a minute of the older two fussing over the dried apple sauce on his blanket that didn’t want to come off. Yugyeom’s face was bright with excitement and eagerness.

Jaebum started to panic a little, dreading the moment he would come across the five year old’s mother. As much as he wanted to confront her about his plans of getting a job to help them out and make it possible for Yugyeom to see his parents more often, he was nervous. He had met her before, sure, but these circumstances were different and he didn’t know if she would agree.

In her eyes, Jaebum was probably just another young and naïve volunteer who was there whenever he had time off of school and assignments, but in reality, he was so much more than that. Yugyeom became an irreplaceable person in Jaebum’s life, like family, a little brother perhaps, and he couldn’t imagine his life without the endless troublemaking and constant smiles.

Looking at Yugyeom and Youngjae playing around in front of him, Jaebum felt a smile growing on his face as the two sat in bed together, competing who could make the ugliest face. Youngjae won by a milestone, but Jaebum knew he could do better than both of them combined.

“Hyung.” Youngjae said a minute later calling him out of his stupor, holding up a piece of paper that was clearly drawn by Yugyeom. Jaebum grabbed it to inspect more closely – there were two stick figures on either side of a smaller one, clouds and flowers drawn messily around them. From the first glance it looked like a family portrait until the elder read the names scrawled beneath each figure, his and Youngjae’s names on either side of Yugyeom’s in bright blue crayon.

“Do you like it?” The five year old was twiddling his hands in his lap as if he was nervous about the reply Jaebum would give him. Jaebum smiled fondly and pinched Yugyeom’s childishly chubby cheek, earning a squeak.

“Yeah.” He said, tracing the figures with his fingers. “A lot.”

“Should we hang it up?” Youngjae piped up, tumbling out of bed to find tape somewhere in the room. In the end, he found medical tape in one of the cupboards they weren’t really allowed to touch, for nurse use only. However, he didn’t seem to think much of it, when he tore four pieces of it, the sticky strips stuck to his fingers.

Yugyeom stood up in his bed, twirling in circles trying to look for the perfect spot, his balance starting to decrease the longer he spun around, feet getting caught in the blankets on his bed.

“Alright, alright, enough of that. Sit down before you fall or get sick again.” Jaebum reached out just in time to catch the swaying boy from falling off the edge of the bed and after a sigh of relief made him sit back down, IV line tangled and a pout on the kid’s little lips.

After Yugyeom was settled down again, Youngjae took the paper from Jaebum’s hands and went behind the head of the bed, standing on his tippy toes and taping the drawing to the wall above the bed, the colorful little “family” making the space between heart monitors and IV poles a brighter area for all to see.

“There! Is that good?” Youngjae asked, backing up across the room to get a better view of his work.

“I like it.”

“Me too!” Yugyeom shouted, head craned back on his pillow to view it upside down.

“Now if we aren’t here physically and you miss us, you can always look at the drawing, okay? We’ll always be here.” Jaebum said, fondly eyeing the child in front of him, who was nodding with a vibrant smile and a gap in it, where a new bottom tooth was missing.

 

For the next few hours of staying in the room, Jaebum couldn’t help but steal glances at the crayon sketch on the wall. Looking at it made him feel warm and content, like everything he’s done in his life up until now was worth all the struggle, the two people in front of him making everything seem brighter.

Jaebum caught Youngjae’s eyes across the room after staring at the drawing for a particularly long while as Yugyeom slept soundly after a round of medicine. The look that the younger was giving him was knowing, like he could sense the emotions Jaebum was feeling. Honestly, Youngjae probably could, the happiness Jaebum was feeling at that moment practically coming off of him in waves.

Youngjae gave him a small smile that had Jaebum’s heart doing little flips in his chest, Jaebum not strong enough to hold back a smile of his own. They both ended up fast asleep in their spots a half an hour later, Youngjae cuddling a pillow on the small couch and Jaebum resting his head on his arms at the end of Yugyeom’s bed, thoughts of taking the youngest to see the ocean floating into his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only three more chapters to go!! Expect them soon because they're all drafted! I stayed up all night just to finish the last chapter because my head was filled with ideas, so hopefully you'll like it! Thank you again for reading and for your support! It means a ton.


	11. Chapter 11

It was Jaebum’s tacky ringtone that woke them up a little over an hour and a half later. Yugyeom was already awake and quietly playing something on his iPad, making faces at the screen whenever the game didn’t go his way. It took a moment for Jaebum to realize that it was  _ his _ phone ringing before he sat up looking for the noisy object only to remember that it was in his back pocket. 

Youngjae groaned and opened his eyes to the bright early afternoon sun before turning over and covering his ears to block out the sound of the loud girl group song. Jaebum left the room before he swiped the answer button in the lobby outside of the ward so he wouldn’t disturb the residents inside any more than he already had.

He couldn’t recognize the phone number and considering that he saved everyone he knew under ridiculous nicknames, it could have been anyone – a wrong number even. Regardless, he still swiftly pressed the phone to his ear and answered.

Ten minutes later Jaebum burst back into the room smiling and out of breath, scaring both Youngjae and Yugyeom, making them jump in their spots. Youngjae was now sitting up with a pillow in his lap and a phone in his hands, staring at him with wide eyes.

Yugyeom pulled the headphones out of his ears. “Hyung?”

“Good news?” Youngjae asked with a laugh as Jaebum tried to catch his breath from running into the room. Jaebum nodded, a smile still stretching out his cheeks. 

“I got a job.”

“What? Where?” The younger was across the room in seconds, hugging him so tight he couldn’t breathe, but rather than pushing the other away, Jaebum wrapped his arms around Youngjae, too happy to let go.

“That café we went to, they said they had a position open and to come in on Monday for training. They’ll also work with my school schedule.”

Youngjae pulled back a little to look at him, both grinning wide and making each other laugh. “I’m really happy for you, hyung.”

“Hyung…” Yugyeom called Jaebum for the second time, this time no longer in a questioning tone, his voice taking on a sad tremor, puppy eyes looking up at him. Jaebum appeared by his side immediately, touching his forehead and after feeling the normal temperature of Yugyeom’s skin, taking the his tiny hand in his own.

“Are you not feeling well?” He asked with a worried expression etched on his face, the happiness that he felt just moments ago disappearing. 

There were tears welling up in the five year old’s droopy eyes, making Jaebum panic. “Are you not going to come see me anymore, hyung?” 

“What makes you think that?” Jaebum said, squeezing Yugyeom’s chubby cheeks and making the boy’s uneasy feelings settle and a giggle break through. “I’m still going to be here to bug you whenever I can.”

“And I’ll be here as often as always!” Youngjae assured with a bright smile. “You’ll never be lonely.” 

“We also have someone for you to meet, you’ll like him.” Jaebum smiled and looked at Youngjae, who was grinning. 

Yugyeom asked, face confused, “Who?”

“You’ll see. Your mom will be here soon, so we’ll meet him later.”

Less than an hour later, Mark came in with a woman, who seemed to be in her mid-thirties with a worn out look on her face, but as soon as she laid eyes on Yugyeom, her body language had an aura of happiness that only a mother could express.

Jaebum and Youngjae stood back and watched as the kid reunited with his mother with bright smiles on their faces. Yugyeom was soon up in his mother’s arms, receiving kisses all over the face.

“He won’t let us kiss him, but if it’s his mom, he just takes it, unbelievable.” Jaebum whispered, tone dripping with poorly hidden jealousy.

“She’s his mother and they haven’t seen each other in a while. Maybe she’s the exception.” Youngjae replied, squeezing the elder’s hand for a second before letting go again.

“Thank you for watching over my son.” The woman said moments later after putting the boy down, Yugyeom’s hand in hers. “I wish I could be here more often, but it seems like he’s not too lonely because of you two.”

Jaebum gave her a kind smile. “He talks about you often. I assure you we’re not a replacement for a mother, but we try to keep him busy.”

Youngjae offered to take Yugyeom out of the room to go bug Mark while the nurse ate his dinner, leaving Jaebum and Yugyeom’s mother alone to talk, knowing that Jaebum had a few things to say.

“Would you like something to drink?” Jaebum offered, once the boys were out of the room and he had Yugyeom’s mother sitting on the couch while he sat across from her in a chair.

She shook her head, “That’s not necessary. I’m sure you have something to say since they left us to be alone.”

“Ah, yeah.” He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck, obviously caught. 

“What’s on your mind?” Her words were kind, but Jaebum was still nervous, a cold sweat breaking out on his brow and his heart picking up a pace, but he knew he would regret it if he backed down. 

“Ma’am, what would your opinion be, if I took up a job to help with Yugyeom’s medical expenses?” The mother’s eyes widened considerably, but Jaebum put up a hand so he could continue. “I can only work so much since I’m still in college, but I’m running on a scholarship and only really need money to feed myself and pay rent, which I’m doing pretty well with already. But I care for Yugyeom a lot and I want to do this. I’d also like to see you and your husband come visit him more often as well. I know it’s a reach, but I’m willing to try.”

A silence stretched on, Jaebum was sitting awkwardly while the older woman was looking down at her shoes, fingers rotating the wedding band on her finger as if she was trying to quickly come up with an answer. He suddenly felt bad – it was a lot to consider from someone who was a stranger, nonetheless, he felt it was a right thing to offer. It had been at the back of his mind for what seemed like eternity, and if he could help, he would do anything.

“You don’t have to answer now, but please, consider.” Jaebum finally said, hoping that the sincerity in his voice could be heard.

“You’re too kind, you know. You’ve been caring for my son for so long and now you offer something as big as this. Though I’ve known you would be a good young man from the day I met you.” The woman finally said, teary brown eyes rising from the floor to look at him. There was a smile on her face, but with a trace of guilt hidden in the background. “You were there for him when we couldn’t be, and I can’t thank you enough for that. But wouldn’t it be too much to accept your offer?”

Jaebum gave Yugyeom’s mom a smile back, walking to her and kneeling by her side while taking her hand in his, something he learned to do while his own mother was uneasy at times. “It would be my biggest honor to help. It’s been on my mind for a while. Your son is very special to me, someone I love a lot. I want to help in every way possible.”

“Then I accept.” Kind motherly tears finally spilled over her face and Jaebum gave her a tissue.

 

As time went by and Yugyeom spent the rest of the evening with his mother, Jaebum couldn’t stop smiling at Youngjae. Even though all he did was get a confirmation of something he had wanted for a while, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, he had a new spring in his step and was looking forward to his orientation on Monday. Jaebum knew he would miss spending his time with the two boys, but it was a good bargain, one that he knew he wouldn’t regret.

Youngjae couldn’t stop looking at him either, laughing and staring at him with stars in his eyes as if he couldn’t believe that Jaebum was actually acting like a five year old since his talk with Yugyeom’s mother and Jaebum’s heart did a little somersault every time the younger looked at him like that. 

By the time it was six in the evening, the five year old and his mother bid their farewells for the day, promises of seeing each other soon on their lips. Jaebum knew it was true this time.

“Yugyeom, are you ready to meet someone?” Youngjae yelled, as soon as the older woman left, a mischievous smile playing on his face.

“I’m not good at making friends, though.”

“Trust me, you’ll like him.” Jaebum added into the conversation. “His name is Bambam.”

“What kind of name is  _ Bambam _ ? Isn’t that from a cartoon?” Yugyeom said, giggling, but getting out of his bed and putting slippers on, suddenly curious what kind of person would be called such an odd name.

As expected, Bambam’s room was the same setup as Yugyeom’s, minus the excessive amount of IV drips that Yugyeom needed for his high infection rates and chemo. Jaebum wasn’t aware of what Bambam was in the hospital for, but he felt bad that the tiny child was there in the first place. Apparently, he was born in the same year as Yugyeom and was incredibly small for his age, but also surprisingly loud and smart.

Like predicted, the two children hit it off perfectly. Yugyeom was wearing a face mask with cartoon characters on it that Mark shoved at him after he heard that he would be visiting another ward to make sure there would be no spreading of infections, but the sight was still endearing – in all of his time of taking care of Yugyeom, Mark had never seen him with a friend. 

“This will be good for him.” Youngjae said, coming up to Jaebum from behind with a bag of snacks from the main lobby. “He has Bambam now, you have me. Neither of you are alone anymore.” 

“We had each other, you know.” Jaebum replied, taking the banana milk the younger handed him, trying to get the straw in, but failing terribly.

“Everyone needs someone to understand their thoughts. Can a five year old understand you well, Im Jaebum?” Youngjae teased, walking away and giving the kids their snacks. “At least, can he kiss you like I do?”

Jaebum scoffed, the straw finally getting in. “We only kissed twice.”

“Talk like that and it will stay that way.” Youngjae threatened from across the room, not even looking at him.

“What kind of boyfrie—“

That was when the younger turned around to look at him, cheeks pink. “Boyfriend?”

“I… Uh… Yeah? If you want to.” Jaebum’s voice was soft and he was blushing, certainly happy that the kids were too busy playing, comparing game scores and arguing about who won, not caring about him and his maybe-boyfriend blushing in the middle of the room like two lovestruck school boys.

Youngjae smiled and nodded his head before walking to Jaebum and pecking his lips briefly before the boys could see. Not because they were hiding, but because they were still red and embarrassed, not to mention that five year olds could be brutal sometimes. 

“I won!” Bambam yelled, shoving his tablet in Yugyeom’s face, making the latter pout before trying to convince him for a rematch. 

“No,” Jaebum said, looking at Youngjae who was looking back with the happiest expression he’s seen on his face yet, eyes glittering and a smile that was like a secret, saved just for him. “I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAMBAM! I know he doesn't have a huge spot in this chapter but I'm trying to keep the main focus on the trio I think.   
> Also, you're welcome.


	12. Chapter 12

 

The next couple of weeks were slow and sweet, feeling somewhat like a dream. Yugyeom’s health was on a steady path of progressing for the better, his ICU visit being a wakeup call for both Youngjae and Jaebum. 

Now, as Yugyeom was getting the remnants of the infection out of his systems with fluids and antibiotics, he would spend his afternoons with his new best friend, Bambam, and Youngjae would often watch over them as they played, his work schedule changed around for mornings now, so he could spend more time at the hospital.

He didn’t mind the hospital anymore, it had become a familiar place to him and with people he adored, it was a warm place most of the time, until he remembered that it was, well, a hospital. Without Jaebum around to distract him, absent due to him working and attending his classes, it was making him take in tiny details about the surroundings of the facility that he hadn’t before. Youngjae began memorizing stuff like the nurses’ shifts and even the cafeteria lunch menu for the week. There was a baby two doors down with a nasty cough that made Youngjae’s heart flip every time he heard it, feeling bad for the poor infant.

He had spent a lot of time thinking whenever Yugyeom gave him a break. Youngjae found his mind wandering toward the scrapped donation projection, it was one of those situations where he felt like he had failed himself, his company, and most importantly, Jaebum and Yugyeom.

The more time he spent pondering the subject, the more he realized that there was a way he could do something similar, but without the help of his company. People did charity projects that were similar all the time with minimal resources after all. Youngjae knew it was a long shot – for one, he needed the hospital to approve it, he couldn’t run a project for patients in the hospital without them knowing. Another thing he needed to figure out was  _ how _ . He called the only person who could help with these kind of ideas, his partner in crime, Jinyoung.

“Hyung,” He said as soon as the latter picked up, not letting him to say a word. “I need your help.”

“With what? You were in the company just two hours ago.” Youngjae rolled his eyes at Jinyoung, thankful that is was just a phone call, otherwise he would definitely get a hit on the back of his head.

“What are some ideas for something like… a charity project?”

“A charity project? You do know we can’t go forward with our project, right? I mean, it—“ Jinyoung started rambling but the younger cut him off before he continued, knowing where he was going with this. 

“Actually, I was thinking of doing this solo. It may not be up to scale with what the company had planned, but I still want to do something. Something to help, maybe monthly bake sales would be a start, or a charity walk, I don’t know.” Youngjae probably sounded desperate, going on about something he had so little knowledge about. When his company had brought up the donation project, he was elated because it was different from their normal routine, something that could help people, and he was determined to reach this goal even if it took all he had.

Jinyoung sighed. “What about an all-out event?”

“All-out?”

“We could use a school nearby, if they’re willing, and have a fundraising sports event. I’ve heard those are quite successful, as well as locals participating in their own areas if they want, like you said, bake sales, but also auctions, games and so on. We may even be able to get some of the kids out of the hospital for the day.” Jinyoung sounded enthusiastic and confident, making Youngjae imagine the scene in front of him. It could go well, except…

“Could I really do this all alone?” Youngjae looked at his feet, then at the five year old sleeping in his bed a few feet away, knocked out and snoring lightly.

Jinyoung replied, “You’re not alone, you have me. And Jaebum, you have him too.”

“I haven’t told him about this yet.”

“You have to be delusional to think your boyfriend won’t support you in this.” Youngjae’s cheeks burned a fierce red upon hearing this. He knew Jaebum would support him, he was Youngjae’s biggest support. He had Jinyoung, yes, but Jaebum always was next to him and he couldn’t be more grateful. He was still embarrassed from Jinyoung calling Jaebum his boyfriend though, not yet used to the title.

He exhaled, suddenly tired. “You’re right.”

“I know.” Jinyoung’s smug voice always made him laugh for some reason, but he held his chuckle in.

“Thanks, hyung. I’ll call you again if I need anything else.” And he hung up, ideas now lighting up in his head. Step one: Find a venue.

 

Jaebum found him during the afternoon in the hospital cafeteria, his laptop out on the table in front of him and searching for schools nearby that might be able to accommodate his ideas with a plate that had a couple untouched slices of pizza on it.

“Not hungry?” His boyfriend asked, sitting across from him at the able. Youngjae shut his laptop and smiled at Jaebum who looked tired from his day at work, two cups of coffee suddenly on the table ever since his appearance. He took one and sipped at it gratefully.

“Just distracted, I guess.” Youngjae said taking one of the almost cold pieces of pizza and taking a small bite, nibbling, watching as Jaebum did the same with the other piece. “I have something to ask you.”

The elder’s eyes met his behind the slice of pizza he was eating, eyes wide and curious, asking him to go on and Youngjae thought he couldn’t be more adorable.

“What if I started up a charity project?” Jaebum stopped chewing, about to speak up, but Youngjae rushed out his next words before he could. “An event to raise money for the hospital. Since the donation from my company is a no-go, I just thought that maybe I could set this up somehow.”

After a pause, Jaebum finally gave him an approving smile. “I like that.”

“I don’t know how long it will take or when it will happen, but I’ll make it happen.” Youngjae promised.

“I believe you. I’ll be there to help whenever you need me.” One of Jaebum’s hands still had a piece of half eaten pizza, but the other had reached over the table to grab one of Youngjae’s. 

“Looks like I have some work to do, then.”

  
  


Jaebum’s job made an average amount of money, every paycheck going straight into his bank account, adding up until he emptied it out at the end of the month toward Yugyeom’s bills. He did it secretly, wanting to pay them off as quietly as he could. Yugyeom’s parents visited once or twice a week, they lived on the other side of the city which took a while to drive to and from the hospital, but the effort they were putting into seeing their son made Jaebum happy nonetheless.

Youngjae also seemed to work endlessly, always busing between his job, time at the hospital, and the time trying to put together the project he wanted so badly to do. He always put Jaebum and Yugyeom first though, anything they asked or needed, he smiled and put the project details down, ready to help. Of course, Jaebum was touched, but he watched as Youngjae walked around with bags under his eyes and sleepy steps, always dragging his feet. One of his boyfriend’s faults was that he overworked himself, he didn’t know when to stop. When Youngjae started something he always wanted to finish it as soon as he could. 

It’s not like Jaebum was any better. He was working himself to the bone, trying to get the bills paid off when there was so much money to be earned yet. He didn’t feel burdened though, not really - even if the money he earned weren’t for himself, Jaebum felt relieved with every amount he sent through to be paid off. He knew he was doing it for a reason, it was better for Yugyeom, for his parents, and it was better in the long run, he didn’t want Yugyeom to be followed by debt as he grew up.

It had been a few months since Jaebum’s conversation with Yugyeom’s mother, a few months with his job, a few months with Yugyeom’s health being in a stable condition. It also had been a few months of dating Choi Youngjae – a peaceful few months and he couldn’t have asked anything more.

Well, except maybe for his boyfriend to rest.

Currently, they were at Youngjae’s apartment where they always seemed to spend their free time, Youngjae was tapping away at his laptop’s keyboard with such speed it was causing Jaebum’s head to ache and rub his temples. It was 11 PM and the younger was still restless. Sighing, Jaebum stood up and went to gently shut the laptop over Youngjae’s fingers, causing him to frown. 

“Bedtime, come on.” He said, tugging the younger by the sleeve. “No excuses, you haven’t slept properly in days, research can wait.”

“Hyung—“

“No whining.” When he had Youngjae sitting on the bed, the younger started laughing and Jaebum got convinced that his boyfriend started to lose his mind, until he spoke up.

“Nostalgic, isn’t it? This is just like the time I took the pen out of your hand when you were doing job applications.” Jaebum smiled and smoothed his hand over Youngjae’s hair, now growing out and softly falling over his eyes. 

“Then you should agree with me that you need rest. You’ve been overworking yourself, Jae. There’s no deadline for the event, you know.” Jaebum sat on the bed making it dip, Youngjae slid closer to him and comfortably rested his head on his shoulder. “Don’t make me worry about you.”

Youngjae hummed. “I’ll calm down. I just want it done as soon as possible. After my company’s project got cancelled, I have this nagging fear that my project won’t be successful.”

Jaebum turned and took Youngjae’s head in his hands, ignoring the adorable stunned look that was on his face and placed a quick peck on his lips before talking, not letting his beloved go. “You’ll succeed, but things will go more smoothly if you take your time with it. Don’t rush everything just because you’re worried about failing. Everything will work out with time, okay?” 

The younger nodded, a subtle smile on his lips. Jaebum squished his cheeks. “Good, now sleep.”

  
  


“I’m gonna marry Bambam!”

Yugyeom’s declaration made Jaebum spit out a mouthful of water all over the floor, but Youngjae was having fun laughing at the five year old in front of him, even if he did find it kind of gross when the child was wiggling his loose tooth with his tongue.

“You like him? Since when?” Youngjae asked him, handing Jaebum tissues, even though they wouldn’t help him clean up the floor even half of the way, but well, he tried.

“Umm… Since he kissed me.” 

“He kissed you? Where?” Jaebum deadpanned, eyes blank and looking straight at Yugyeom with soggy tissues in a tight grip. 

Youngjae threw a pen at him. “You’re going to scare him.”

“Hyung doesn’t scare me, he’s full of nothing but empty threats.” Yugyeom said with a cocky grin that made Youngjae snort and Jaebum glare at both of them.

“He’s right, you know.” Youngjae said, poking him in the side.

“I still demand an answer!”

Yugyeom pointed to his cheek while rolling his eyes, making Jaebum sigh in relief.

“Just invite me to the wedding.” Youngjae then said, making Jaebum fume again. “What? It’s cute.” 

Youngjae spent the rest of the afternoon watching as Jaebum suffered through innocent child flirting and hand holding. Whenever they got scolded by the cranky adult, they pouted and threw it back in his face about him flirting with Youngjae in their presence all the time. To be fair, Youngjae knew they had a point, but if he told his boyfriend that he’d sulk for the entire night.

 

By now, Jaebum spent most of his free time in Youngjae’s apartment. Even though Jaebum’s place was closer to work and the hospital, Youngjae never questioned it, always letting him come over whenever. A considerable amount of Jaebum’s clothes and other belongings had ended up in his apartment now, drawers and hangers a mix of both of their items and Youngjae’s once plainly decorated home now was becoming more characteristic with more books and a guitar in the corner of the living room.

Youngjae knew that they were nowhere far enough in their relationship to be moving in together, not now at least, but the way his home was, warm with Jaebum’s presence and Coco always waiting for them at the door, all the nights they’d spent together wrapped in a warm duvet during chilly, cloudless nights, it was a nice feeling. One that was terribly heartwarming and nerve wracking at the same time – no one knew what the future had in store for them, but Youngjae hoped that one day Jaebum’s place would permanently be beside him.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaebum asked, pulling him out of his thoughts and making his cheeks bloom pink.

“The project.” He lied, thumbing through his phone to distract himself so he wouldn’t need to look at the person sitting on the opposite side of the couch, Youngjae’s feet in Jaebum’s lap.

“Is there any progress?” The other asked, squeezing his ankle lightly and going with the subject, as Youngjae set his phone back down.

“I think the event will end up taking place early summer. The school I have in mind to host it will be empty for vacation and it’s also a good time for outdoor activities too.”

Jaebum smiled, “It sounds like things are coming together well, I’m proud of you.”

Youngjae’s cheeks started to flame up again, so he kicked his boyfriend’s leg in retaliation. “We don’t even know if it will turn out well.”

“Of course it will go well. Have more confidence in yourself, Mr. Businessman. Our café will make sure to advertise the event, if it’ll help ease your worries.”

Youngjae smiled and changed his position, laying his head in Jaebum’s lap, closing his eyes as he felt fingers play with the hair that fell over his lap. “I think you have too much confidence in me.” He voiced, voice suddenly sounding sleepy. 

“Aren’t I supposed to? I’ll always root for my boyfriend.” The comment was cheeky, making Youngjae open his eyes again only to see a smirk from Jaebum.

“That could’ve sounded cute, but you ruined it.”

“I’m bad at cute.”

“Really? Because you’re very cute.” Youngjae said, pinching Jaebum’s cheeks before getting off his lap, leaving a very flustered boyfriend in the dust and sprinting his way to the bedroom to hide, only to peek his head out of the doorway again. “Also, do I get a goodnight kiss? I have an early morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this fic gets closer to the end, I realize sooo much that I want to fix or add but then it just feels sloppy? Ugh idk. I hope you all enjoy reading it still! And thank you for reading it, it means so much. <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, please enjoy it. Idk how I feel about this ending, but this fic somehow came my baby and I want you all to love it too.

Youngjae looked at the flyer in hands, the colorful paper advertising his charity project. It felt surreal, the scheduling and payments already sent through for the venue and events, advertisements posted in Jaebum’s workplace and on telephone poles throughout the city - even Jinyoung himself went to hand them out. However, Youngjae knew that he wouldn’t be able to rest until the event was over, stress and thoughts of failure still haunting him every time he saw one of the flyers that rested in his hands.

Only two weeks until the long-awaited relaxation time, no more details to work out, no more phone calls, no more checking his email every few minutes for updates from Jinyoung, who has been working on this project alongside him. And Youngjae couldn’t be more grateful to the people around him – Jaebum, throwing him ideas and constantly calming him down in the middle of the night when the stress became unbearable to the point he couldn’t sleep. Yugyeom and Bambam, who became his distractions when he needed them the most, toothy smiles and high energy keeping him from going insane. Even Mark was supportive, giving him encouragements to continue to work hard. It was a time in Youngjae’s life where he felt incredibly lucky doing something he believed in so wholeheartedly and doing it with people he loved.

He put the flyer back on the bulletin board in the lobby outside of Yugyeom’s ward. Mark had put it there thinking that people who spent time in the hospital would be interested if it was advertised in plain sight. The event was for the hospital, after all. 

Jaebum appeared when Youngjae was still looking at the bulletin in a daze, planting his head on the younger’s shoulder. “Want to leave early? Yugyeom’s napping and Bambam is having his tests done, we can finally have an afternoon for ourselves without kids on our heels.”

Youngjae snorted, turning around to face his boyfriend. “You sound like you don’t enjoy having them around.”

“I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Your reputation is severely suffering ever since I walked in the room earlier to see two kids on your back as you were crawling on the floor.”

“Anyway, do you want to leave or not? I thought we could order take out and watch movies all night, but if you don’t want to…” Jaebum let his sentence trail off, knowing he already caught Youngjae with food.

“Fine, let’s go.”

 

During the last weeks of preparations for the charity event, Jaebum watched as his boyfriend went through various phases and emotions. He did his best to knead out all of Youngjae’s stress and worry, negative emotions eating him up whole, but then the younger would appear next day looking happier than ever, and Jaebum was getting whiplash.

He cut back his hours for the upcoming days of the event, not only because he wanted to help out, knowing Youngjae would appreciate the extra support, but also because his hours had gotten out of hand anyway, since one of the workers quit and he ended picking up most of the empty shifts. Additional shifts were good, it meant extra money to help with Yugyeom’s medical expenses, but Jaebum felt like his body was deteriorating and his back was aching – truly a twenty-four year old going on seventy.

Youngjae had woken him up at six in the morning on the dawn of the event – a little too early in his opinion, but Jaebum let it go seeing the nervousness that radiated from the younger’s body, shirt inside out and house smelling of burnt bacon. He took away his boyfriend’s phone and ushered him off to bed early the night before, to get some sleep, but obviously it hadn’t worked very well.

After showering and getting dressed, his hair pushed up out of his face for the day, Jaebum sent Youngjae off to meet Jinyoung while he grabbed Yugyeom from the hospital. There was a small debate on whether they should bring the five year old to an all-day event, but after much begging from the child in question, everyone caved, Mark approving his condition to be well enough for the activities and handing out a warning to not overdo it.

“Mom and dad said they would be coming later.” Yugyeom said, surprising Jaebum as he was straightening the T-shirt that the child picked out for the day.

“To the event?” he asked, now tying tiny tennis shoes.

“Yep! I don’t know when though, but they said they wanted to help out as well.”

Jaebum watched Yugyeom playing with a figurine in his hands and smiled. “Are you going to wear a hat today?”

Yugyeom smiled at him, another tooth missing from his mouth, making him look even cuter than usual. “Nope, I’m going to be a bowling ball today.”

“Bowling ball pride.” Jaebum rubbed Yugyeom’s head making him giggle. He still packed a hat and sunscreen in his bag anyway, not wanting to risk a sunburn on the Yugyeom’s tiny head. “Now, are we ready to see Youngjae?”

“Don’t forget the flowers!” Yugyeom ran over to him with the flowers he picked out a week ago, both of them sitting in bed with a florist catalogue whenever Youngjae wasn’t around, trying to pick out flowers the latter would like the best, in attempt to create something that would say  _ Congratulations _ , but also  _ We love you _ .

“What would I do without you?”

 

The sun was high in the air with some rare clouds passing by every now and then, by noon the event was at its peak with people freely walking around, some kids with awareness balloons and a basketball game going on in the school gym. It was going so,  _ so _ smooth Youngjae was almost worried, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling a bit proud. The only thing that was missing was…

With a tap on his shoulder, he turned around to see Jaebum smiling and a giant bouquet of colorful flowers in his hands.

“I’m a little late, Yugyeom had me running all over the place wanting food and to play games. I’m only free because Mark ended up finding us and took him off my hands.” He met Youngjae’s eyes with a warm gaze and grabbed his boyfriend’s hand in his. “You truly outdid yourself.”

Youngjae wanted to cry. All the stress from the past months started to crumble once he saw Jaebum standing there with a beautiful smile that paled in comparison to the midday sun and the prettiest flowers he could imagine. He hugged him, Jaebum moving the flowers out of the way before they got crushed between their bodies.

“Thank you, for everything.”

Jaebum pulled back to look at him, putting the flowers in the younger’s hands and wiping away the wetness that appeared on his cheek – Youngjae didn’t even know it was there, not feeling when his eyes started to tear up. “Anytime.”

The rest of their day was spent wandering the school grounds as the event went on, idle chatter and hand holding keeping their minds busy until they finally met up with Mark and Yugyeom, who was followed by his parents. Youngjae could tell the five year old was tired after too many games and lots of walking, the heat of the sun during the high hours most likely not helping, but Yugyeom kept smiling even when he was rubbing sleepiness out of his eyes and asking for food.

By the time it was late afternoon, mostly everyone had gone, leaving a few people to pick up and put away the setup from the day. Mark had ushered them all to a restaurant nearby to celebrate the success of the project, the charity money not yet counted, but it was already a fact that it was beyond their expectations, making Youngjae feel like he was on cloud nine.

At dinner, Jaebum was holding his hand under the table, chopsticks in his other hand and Yugyeom sat between his parents on the other side of the table, happily picking out food from everyone else’s dishes to try out. Jinyoung made an appearance halfway through their meal with a small cake in hand, giving his colleague the biggest hug he could manage, squeezing air out of his lungs and introducing himself to everyone else at the table.

“I’m happy.” Youngjae said after dinner, sitting in the passenger’s seat of his car with Jaebum driving through the dark streets back to the apartment. Mark had taken Yugyeom back to the hospital once he had fallen asleep with his head on the dinner table, the rest of them parting ways soon after that. “Everything went better than I expected.”

“It was a good day.” Jaebum agreed. “I’m so proud of you. You worked hard and the outcome was nearly flawless. Only you could pull that off.”

“Are you saying that just because you’re my boyfriend?” Youngjae asked, cheeks tinted pink in the darkness of the vehicle.

“I’m saying it because I believe it.”

Youngjae rolled the window down on his side and rested his head back on the seat, hair blown back from the force of the wind. “I feel like I’m too lucky sometimes. Having you and Yugyeom around has changed me a lot, but in a good way. I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

A chuckle made him to look over to the man beside him, hair falling from its initial place how it was pushed back earlier in the day and eyes following the road. “I’m glad you lost your way around the hospital that day.” Jaebum admitted. “Life would be so much different now if you hadn’t. Much more plain.”

“By the way,” the younger said changing the subject, feeling a bit embarrassed. He put his hand out of the window, feeling the air push against his palm. “It’s a good season to go to the beach.”

 

“He’s in partial remission.”

Jaebum was sitting in a room with Yugyeom’s doctor and Mark, the five year old currently watching a movie while Youngjae was at work.

“Wait, what do you mean—“

“Yugyeom’s cancer cells are no longer spreading.” Mark clarified with a bright smile lighting up his face. “He still has the illness, but it means he can take a break from treatment, go home for a while.”

“He will still need regular checkups to make sure the cancer doesn’t start growing again, but he’s on a good path.” The doctor added.

Jaebum set his head on the table, trying to breathe and take in the good news.After a few silent moments, he could hear the door of the room open and close, suspecting everyone had left, but he felt a pat on his shoulder. “He’s been here for too long, it’s about time.” Mark said before leaving the room himself.

Yugyeom had been in the hospital for much too long, practically a toddler when he came in that first day with a head full of fluffy black hair. He didn’t smile much back then, too scared of how much needles would hurt, feeling too restricted when it came to IV lines he had to be always connected to, not to mention chemo that was no fun and often made him feel sick. Jaebum watched as he lost his strength to play and eat, his hair falling out in small chunks every now and then, always turning around to see Yugyeom uncomfortable and in tears. It was around that time when he realized he needed to stay nearby until Yugyeom left the hospital for good, wanting to help him get his smile back and feel like he could still be normal.

Looking back on it, Yugyeom had grown a lot since those days. Not just height and weight-wise, but his sickness no longer ate away at him like it used to, the five year old having more energy to play around and be mischievous. Of course, there were times when it became too much – some days were dedicated to only rest and no playing around, his tiny body having enough energy only to eat and fall back to sleep ten minutes later with crumbs on his chin. There were also a few emergencies that had happened, the ones that will probably haunt Jaebum for years, but suddenly it didn’t seem all too important anymore. 

_ Yugyeom could go home. _

Tears started to well up in his eyes as he sat in that large windowed meeting room, one of those that were meant for these doctor to family conversations. The sun was hitting the table and Jaebum watched as birds flew by the window singing happy songs, as if cheering for Yugyeom’s turn in health.

He dug his phone out of his pocket to call Youngjae, who was undoubtedly in the middle of work, but Jaebum pressed the call button anyway while wiping the wetness from his eyes, since everything started to blur. Once his boyfriend’s voice was talking brightly on the other side of the line, he started to cry again, overwhelmed.

“Jaebum?” Youngjae’s voice sounded more worried now that the elder wasn’t talking like he expected. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” The latter managed to get out, sounding more normal than he thought, but his eyes were closed to stop the flowing tears. “Good news, actually. Are you busy?”

“I’m off in ten minutes, can it wait until I get to the hospital?” Youngjae asked, sounding much more relieved.

Jaebum hummed in confirmation. “Meet me in the lobby coffee shop?”

“I’ll be there.”

Youngjae found him in the coffee shop, an entire plate of cookies, pastries and a semi-warm coffee waiting on the table. “Hungry?” Jaebum asked as the younger looked down at him, but once he saw his boyfriend’s face, the smile on his face turned into a pout, noticing the puffiness in Jaebum’s eyes.

He sat across from the elder, picking up an oatmeal cookie with a frown. “I thought you said it was good news, so why are your eyes red?”

“Yugyeom can go home.”

“Wait, what?” The younger looked up at him with wide eyes, obviously confused.

Jaebum cleared his throat and started tearing apart a pastry with his fingers, tears threatening to spill again. “He’s in partial remission, his cancer is no longer growing.”

Youngjae’s cookie fell to the table. “Tell me you’re not kidding. You’re not kidding, right? This is too good to be true, it feels like just yesterday he was in the ICU? Oh my god, no wonder you were crying.”

Jaebum laughed and watched as several emotions flitted across his boyfriend’s face before ending up with bright eyes and a breathtaking smile that knocked the air knocked out of his lungs for a second.

“Does he know?”

The elder shook his head. “Mark is letting his parents give him the news. I wonder what he’ll think, after being here for so long… He’s probably longed to go home for a long time.”

“You know what this means, right? Beach day.”

 

The beach was more beautiful than Jaebum remembered it, even if the sky was a bit cloudy. The air was balmy and tasted like salt, the sand was soft, and Youngjae and Yugyeom seemed to love it all. 

The five year old kept running towards the water only to get a splash at his feet and run away again, the water still too cold to swim, but the air perfectly warm. Youngjae was sitting in the sand a few feet away from Jaebum, building a large sandcastle with seashell decorations and everything. Jaebum kept finding himself sneaking glances, waiting for the sandy foundation to fall.

Jaebum himself was sitting on a sandbank feeling the breeze and watching his surroundings, letting it all sink in. He had intended to maybe read a book, but it was discarded on the blanket they had brought along.

Hearing sounds of distress, he looked over to see that Youngjae’s castle had turned into a big blob of sand and shells, his boyfriend’s head hanging in despair over the loss of his masterpiece. He tried not to look too happy as the younger ditched the pile of sand to sit next to him, head on his shoulder and letting a deep sigh.

“Did the king’s castle go down?”

“Good thing it did, I was getting too obsessed with that thing. I wish I was able to take a photo first, though.” Youngjae said with a whine, making Jaebum laugh and entwine their hands.   
  
“We’ll make an even better one with Yugyeom later. Once he’s done trying to catch snails in the water.” The child had a small yellow bucket in one of his hands, the other kept diving under the water, picking up tiny shells and putting them in for safekeeping.

After a few silent moments Youngjae asked, “Are you happy?”

Jaebum looked at him with a soft smile and squeezed the younger’s hand. “Happier than ever.”

Youngjae, however, wasn’t convinced enough to accept this answer. “That day we found out about Yugyeom’s remission… Ever since you’ve had a different aura around you. Are you disappointed?”

What never failed to surprised Jaebum was how perceptive his boyfriend could be, always picking up the slightest change in his behavior. He just sighed and looked back at the snail picker, who managed to wander further away from them, but still close enough so they could keep a safe eye on him. “Not disappointed, just… Afraid?”

“That you’ll lose him?”

Jaebum nodded. “He was so young when we met, everything was so new to him and to me as well, since I was just starting my volunteering. I was seeing several kids at that moment but over time they would leave the hospital, but Yugyeom was still there and unhappy. I guess that’s why I took it upon myself to look after him and him only. I wanted to make sure he would leave someday, too. But now, I feel kind of lost. I won’t be able to see him every day, and his parents live on the other side of the city…”

Youngjae sat in front of him then, making sure he was the center of Jaebum’s attention, both of his hands in his. “You won’t lose him. You’re far too important to Yugyeom and his parents know that too. This is just a chance to have him closer to his parents, and who knows, maybe he’ll heal better at home and someday the cancer will be gone altogether. Don’t worry about it all right now, okay?”

Jaebum hung his head low, focusing on their hands. The younger had a point, he always did, but he still couldn’t help being terrified.

“Thank you.”

Youngjae snorted, admitting, “Honestly, that was kind of a pep talk to myself too, everything’s going to feel more dull without him around.”

Jaebum finally smiled then, taking a hand away from the younger’s grasp to brush his boyfriend’s bangs out of his eyes, a fruitless effort due to the wind. “What are we going to do with all this free time?”

“I’m glad you asked. You see, I have a plan already.”

“Oh, you do?” He asked Youngjae, who was mischievously smiling as if having a secret.

“We’ll keep working as usual. I’ll go see Bambam a few times a week since I don’t want him to be alone now, and I’ll also make sure he keeps talking to Yugyeom. Those two are too cute for their own good. And you,” Youngjae dug something out of his pocket and tucked it into Jaebum’s hand, without letting him see what it was, but the elder could still feel the cold metal against his palm. Keys. “You will move in with me.”

Jaebum looked at the younger, eyes wide in surprise. This was definitely not what he was expecting, but it was better than anything else he could have been given. He had been practically living with Youngjae for half a year now, going back to his own apartment so rarely that everything was getting dusty, and the only things that were left in the fridge and cupboards were old milk, some bottles of water and ramen.

Living with Youngjae casually was one thing, though, it had just _ happened _ over time. It was a place that was warm and familiar, a place he had started to call home without even realizing it. And being  _ asked _ to move in was something else completely, making it official somehow, and it made Jaebum’s heart speed up at bit.

“Are you serious?”

“Of course. You don’t have to, but I figured it’s better than paying rent for one place, but living at another. Plus, I think if you went back to your apartment, my place would start to feel empty.” Youngjae said it like he was afraid that Jaebum would say no, but the latter’s hand was closed too tight as if he was afraid that the keys would disappear.

“I guess I better start packing.” The elder finally answered, watching a smile lighting up Youngjae’s face, the afternoon sun suddenly looking dull. “Are you really sure you want me around twenty four-seven?”

Youngjae leaned closer, now a breath away before a chaste kiss was placed on his lips, answering the question.

“Honestly, I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALLLLLLL DONE!!! This fic has taken me to hell and back, I've gotten so lazy with it sometimes but then I get into moods where all I want to do is add to it. I'm not too confident in my writing and this fic feels very fluffy and not entirely what I want it to be but I feel like I did my best for now. 
> 
> For those of you who read this while I was updating, thank you so much for your kudos, your comments, and your love. You put up with my inconsistent writing styles and weeks without updating. For those of you who read this in one sitting, I admire you and love you. Thank you all soooo so much. Also thank you to my precious editor, what could I do without you? 
> 
> I have a plan to write a small spin off from this, just based on something I didn't manage to fit into this fic, so please look forward to that too! 
> 
> Thank you so much again for reading!<333


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